


Cracked

by sheepster



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepster/pseuds/sheepster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A troubled Noiz becomes the caretaker of a very damaged, very fragile Aoba. </p><p>[ AU: Noiz had never left Germany / Aoba is sold into slavery after being discarded by Toue. ]</p><p>Status: Dropped</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Auction

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first actual cohesive fanfiction, yay!  
> i'm still pretty rusty, so please bear with me if it's not too good or the spelling/spacing is off.  
> also, i think i made Noiz a little too OOC, but i wanted him to seem a bit more softhearted.  
> this chapter was really fun to write and i hope you like it!
> 
> warning: there is abuse mention throughout this story, for anyone that gets uncomfortable by it.

When Noiz was younger, he did as he pleased. This had been evident to everyone around him, which was only part of the reason that he terrified them. In the past, Noiz had been in numerous brawls. Most of which he started, and finished accordingly. There’d been a few times where he’d almost beat someone to death, only to stop when someone had decided to call the police. He’d been caught a couple times, receiving a slap on the wrist. For the most part it didn’t phase him. It just made him more careful.

Noiz was, and is, part of one of the most wealthy and influential families in Germany. So of course this didn’t sit well with his parents and their peers. By his 2nd year in middle school, Noiz was locked away. He’d stayed in a room made just for him, a kitchen, a bedroom, a full bath. A tutor would come to teach him each weekday. It had hurt him at first. Emotionally, of course. Noiz had almost no feeling in his body. He had only ever felt very dull pain, most of which was in his tongue. It was a condition that he was diagnosed with at an early age, giving an explanation for his lack of empathy. So for a while he would scream, kick, and destroy everything around him. He had put multiple dents in the door, trashed the sofa, and nearly burned down the house from burning things in the kitchen. Each time he threw a fit, nobody responded to him. Nobody consoled his pained cries, and he was left alone until he fell asleep. That was when the manor staff would swoop in and replace everything, careful not to wake him up. It was hell. So, eventually, Noiz grew quiet. He rarely spoke, rarely ate, and rarely did anything but his required tutoring.

It was only a few years ago that they released him, right when he became a legal adult, immediately placing him in a job at his father’s company. It seemed that word had got out about Noiz’s past, because everyone avoided him for his first few months there. The only person he talked to at work for the first 3 months was his assistant. Eventually, everyone got over the office gossip, deeming it uninteresting. It was then that Noiz began to blend in with the average crowd. He was still very bitter towards his family, barely holding back his violent tendencies after they released him. But now he hid his anguish much better, and assimilated as best as he could. After all, he had no other place on this earth. He had no other credentials, no money, and no relationships. So, despite his feelings, the job was appreciated.

Now, Noiz had a small manor of his own not too far from his office. He employed a small staff comprising of 2 maids, a butler, and a cook. It was quite ideal, but he still felt horribly empty. Yes, he still had a serious beef with his parents, but that wasn’t where these feelings were coming from. For the first time in a long time, he felt lonely.

“Uh…Mr. Noiz? I’m sorry to disturb you but-“

Noiz jerked his head up abruptly. “Ah….” It was Hana, his assistant. That’s when he remembered where he was and what he was doing. Staying late at the office like this was really taking a toll on his sleep schedule.

“I’ve finished organizing the contact list, is it alright if I head out for tonight?” She asked softly, pushing a piece of blonde hair out of her face.

Noiz looked over to the clock on his desk, shocked at how long he was knocked out. He felt a little guilty, it was almost midnight and he’d kept her from her family. “Yes, thank you for your hard work today.” He said in his usual monotone voice. Hana smiled warmly with tired eyes.

 Right before she left the threshold of the door she turned to him. “Take care of yourself, okay?” He nodded, softening his gaze just a bit. “Thanks.”

After Hana left, Noiz scrambled to finish the paperwork he was working on prior to dozing off. His assistant was the first person to be kind to Noiz in a very long time. She never tried to avoid him, and didn’t seem to be phased by the rumors that went around in the beginning. She was also the only person he felt any inclination to be nice to. After placing the last of it into a manila envelope, he tapped at the silver coil on his wrist. He checked the time. 1:45. He grumbled, annoyed at his lack of sleep lately. Noiz checked his messages, wanting to get any client emails out of the way before he went home.

Thankfully, there weren’t any business emails, only a spam message. Noiz accidentally clicked on it.

He scowled at the screen, clearly not in the mood for dealing with viruses. The email opened, illuminating bright colors onto Noiz’s face. Right before he could press the trash button, something caught his eye. ‘DISCREET-PROFESSIONAL-TOP GRADE PRODUCT’ read the subject line. It was an email for an auction house. _A slave auction house._ Noiz gathered that this probably wasn’t spam, it was sent to him on purpose, along with other wealthy bachelors probably. This wasn’t uncommon here, although illegal. He read the rest of the email. _Dear Mr. or Ms., blah blah blah blah, -Drinks, dancing, and a wide and top notch selection handpicked for our auction._ _Blah blah,_ _April 20, 1 AM – 4 AM, blah blah, here is our temporary address- please bring this message with you to the event. Thank you._

 _April 20 th? That’s today isn’t it?_ He actually considered attending for a moment. _It’s close by, only a 30 minute drive…._ Besides, he was heading to the bar after this anyways. It was something he’d been doing a lot more often lately. It was bordering alcoholism truthfully. He wasn’t too keen on the whole slave thing, if he wanted to get laid, all he had to do was make a phone call. Noiz was the type to fuck and run, harboring no emotional attachment to his sexual partners. Most of the people he fucked around with were the same in that way. It was a good arrangement. 

Truthfully though, Noiz was quite curious. It was rare when anything held his interest for more than 5 minutes, besides work. It was also a bit satisfying to know that he could afford to attend one of these events. Money was never an issue. 

He tapped his coil off and stood up from his desk, stretching his body. If he was gonna go, he better go now. He stepped over and pulled his finely tailored jacket off of the wall, putting it on briskly. He buttoned it up with nimble but scarred hands. He had acquired many scars from his childhood endeavors. His lovers said it made him ‘mysterious’ and ‘manly.’ He never found them to be anything but ugly. He grabbed his bag, flipped off the light, and shut his office door behind him. Everyone else had gone home a long time ago. Noiz slipped into the elevator and pressed the ‘1’ button. After the doors opened once again, he walked out into a giant white and gold trimmed lobby. The crystal chandeliers above him twinkled against the harsh fluorescent light. He walked over to the glass front doors and opened them, nodding at the security guards before leaping towards the parking garage. He reached his black Ferrari and unlocked the doors, getting in and starting the ignition. He drove off, checking the address again.

He arrived right before 3 AM, parked in a spot at the back of the building, and headed towards the door. It was in a more rural area and the building was large and metallic looking. He reached the two large and intimidating bouncers, flashing them his invitation. They nodded, opening and closing the tall doors for him. Once inside, the scent of vodka and cinnamon assaulted his senses. All around him were beautiful and expensive looking people, all laughing and dancing with drinks in hand. It was a large foyer, lined with red velvet and silver embellishments. The strawberry blonde wandered in, taking a glass of whiskey from a butler’s tray. He placed the rim to his lips and took a gulp, shoving his other hand in his pant pocket.

Just as he was getting comfortable and mildly buzzed in the far corner, a loud bell sound reverberated through the room. The music was lowered and a short man in a brown tuxedo came down to the platform before the foyer stairs. He was middle-aged and had a very strange aura to him.

“Welcome, honored guests. As you know, it is now 3, which is our cue to begin the auction!” Everyone around him clapped, and some began to leave the building. _Do people really come all the way out here just to party?_  “Thank you to those supplying our items today, you may now leave if you like. Up these stairs to the left are specific auction rooms, please tell the hostess your preferences and keep your checkbook out!” He chuckled and smiled brightly, gesturing people upstairs. Noiz set his drink on a nearby table and followed suit. He wasn’t going to drive all the way back after only three drinks. Honestly. It was strange to him that human beings were referred to as literal items, but what did he expect? He shook off the uncomfortable feeling and was ushered by a hostess into a private room. The woman shut the door behind him and Noiz looked around the room for a moment. These walls were velvet as well, with one large violet arm chair in the center of the small room. Noiz sat down, looking ahead at the clear, glassy wall in front of him. The hostess poured him some champagne and set it on a tray beside Noiz.

“Your preferences, sir?” She asked in a casual tone of voice. How the hell someone could say such things so casually, he didn’t understand. He wondered if the hostesses were ‘items’ as well.

“Er, what do you mean?” He asked in an apprehensive tone.

She looked at him, a bit confused herself. “Is this your first time?”

 _People do this regularly???_ “….Yeah.”

“Ah, no problem sir. Preferences are characteristics such as experience, gender, weight, height, breast and genital size, hair color, ski-“ Noiz quickly interrupted her. “I got it. I don’t have any. Any gender is fine.” He felt a little creeped out when hearing the specifics.

“…I see. Without any specific preferences, I cannot guarantee a perfect match, but perhaps you would be interested in an item that requires a little more care?”

Noiz looked at her quizzically and she continued. “Items that require more care have often been through many masters and mistresses, these are very delicate products. We are always looking for kind young men like you to take care of what purists may call ‘defective,’ you see. But, more often than not, they have much more experience. Therefore make wonderful lovers.” She said, still in that casual tone.

 _Shit, if I buy someone I’d be practically saving them at this point._ He thought to himself, almost scowling.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Noiz said, monotone and irritated. She perked up at his words visibly.

“Alright sir, I’ll tell them right away. Due to the low demand of these items, you won’t have to worry about bidding. Just tell me when something strikes your fancy.” She smiled at him tightlipped and slipped out of the room for a moment, probably to inform the orchestrator of Noiz’s _‘preference’_.  Right before she came back into the room, a bright light illuminated behind the glass wall, revealing small stage.

“Due to lack of preference, we will be showing both male and female items.” A male announcer said through the speakers above him. _Items. There that is again. Pissing me off._ Noiz looked over at the tray holding the now-less-then-bubbly champagne. He took a big gulp, feeling exhausted and annoyed. _How the fuck am I supposed to get any sleep tonight?_ He started doubting his decisions leading up to this. The hostess was now at his side, watching the glass intently. Noiz pressed his elbow against the arm of the chair and rested the side of his head against his hand. _Here we go._

“Our first item is 23 years old, hailing from Japan.” The announcer chimed in, and Noiz could feel the sickness in his stomach worsen. A frail, stumbling form entered onto the stage. He could feel the hostess’ intent gaze on him as Noiz watched the ‘item’ behind the glass. The person behind the glass stood, exposing a naked, beaten, and malnourished body. When he raised his head, pieces of azure hair cleared away from his face. He looked worn, and very un-phased by all of this. His eyes were devoid of any fear, any emotion at all really. Noiz’s eyes widened instantly.

“This is a used item, pre-owned by 4 people. Obedient, no diseases, very experienced.” The announcer seemed bored by all of this.

 _That’s it, I swear to god I can’t take this._ “Yeah. That one. Hurry up.” Noiz insisted to the woman beside him. He was already out of the chair, rummaging for his wallet. If he couldn’t bear to look at the pathetic sight before him, how was he supposed to look through a ‘selection’? “Ah, sir, are you sure? He hasn’t even finished the description yet.” She seemed a bit frazzled by the blonde’s sudden decision. “Yeah, just email me a copy. How much? Where can I get him?” He had his wallet opened, counting the cash inside.  “Ah, just a moment!” She then pressed a small intercom button by the door and informed the auctioneer. By this point, the newly-purchased slave was yanked off of the stage. “…This way, please.” She opened the door and led Noiz down a long, dark hallway and stop at a set of double doors. “You can pay and pick up your purchase in there, I told them you’d be coming.” She bowed at Noiz and quietly walked down the hallway once again.  Noiz rapped on the door a couple times and was let in by a tall bodyguard. He stepped inside the large office, a dark oak desk in the middle.

“Ah, I’m glad you found everything to your liking!” It was that strange old man again. He gestured Noiz to his desk, and he obliged. “Yeah, Thanks.” That was a lie, but you probably shouldn’t insult the owner of a giant slave and prostitution ring. “Wonderful! Ah, and the payment…Oh! Seems you’ve chosen one of our more delicate items…That’ll be 10.5k!” _Ten thousand and five hundred dollars for a human’s life._ “Is check alright?” He didn’t have that much on him in cash, that’s for sure.

 

“No problem, I know you’re good for it!” He chuckled in quite an unsettling way. _He probably knows who I am._ Noiz quickly wrote the check and handed it to him. The portly old man took the check, eyed it closely and flashed another weird smile. He then motioned to two of his bodyguards. They left the room through a side door and returned a few moments later, each of their arms holding up the small frame of his ‘purchase.’ He was now clothed, wearing simple pajamas.

“…What’s his name?” Noiz asked abruptly, eyes going a little wider at the sight. The guy was hunched over, and it was hard to see his face.

“Hm…” The man flipped through some papers and stopped. “Aoba, it seems. Strange name, but he is a foreigner after all! He does speak decent German, thanks to his past owners, so don’t worry! Oh! I almost forgot, we’ve put him under a light sedative for you, a first-time-buyer’s treat!” He said with gusto, as if proud of all of this. Noiz shook off the comment, and walked up to the limp frame cautiously. Those thugs were applying far more pressure than necessary, even a painless freak could recognize that.

“Boys, would you carry him out to Mr. Noiz’s car for me?” _Oh hell no._ “No. He’s light. I’ll do it.” Noiz insisted firmly. The guards and the auctioneer both looked at him, bewildered. The guards loosened their grip on Aoba, passing him to Noiz carefully. Noiz picked him up bridal-style, still amazed at how light he was. Noiz gripped him firmly to his chest and turned towards the large double doors behind him. “Ooooh! Come again~!” The auctioneer cooed, and the guards opened the doors for Noiz.

He left that place as fast as he could. _‘Come again.’ Like hell that’ll happen._ Noiz reached the bottom of the foyer stairs and heaved. He was running way too fast. He then lowered his eyes to Aoba, who was drifting in and out of consciousness. “Fuckers.” He muttered, pushing open the front doors as best as he could. Once outside, he practically leapt to his car, unlocking it quickly. The strawberry blonde opened the passenger door first, gently placing Aoba inside. He clasped his seatbelt for him and shut the door, returning to the driver’s. The whole drive back was a blur, and by the time the car pulled into Noiz’s driveway it was almost 5 AM.

Noiz took the keys from the ignition and shoved them into his pocket. He leaned back in his seat, exhausted and regretful. His eyes shot to the clock on his dashboard. 4:45. “I’ve got work in two hours. Fuck.” He slammed his forehead into the steering wheel. _I’m so fucking tired. I’m out 10.5k and now I own someone? What the fuck is wrong with me._ _That’s so fucking gross._ He growled at himself, but froze just a moment later.

 _It was Aoba._ Noiz looked over at him slowly. He was crunched up, sobbing and mumbling in his sleep. Noiz remained frozen. He had no idea how to comfort anyone. He had no idea how to deal with this, no idea how to watch over another human. He could barely manage his own shitty self. He was starting to freak the fuck out. “Aoba…Aoba, wake up.” He urged him, grabbing his frail arm tightly. “AH!” His eyes shot open instantly, tears still running down his face. When Aoba’s terrified eyes met Noiz’s, he cried even harder. “No, stop!” He retracted his hand. Noiz was becoming desperate, his normally stoic and unfeeling demeanor was slowly cracking. Aoba immediately shut his mouth, wiping his eyes frantically.

 _Was this what the announcer meant by ‘obedient’?_  “No-I, you can speak.” Noiz furrowed his brow deeply.

“…..Just please kill me.” Aoba’s voice was cracked, pleading, and desperate. His whole life has been absolute hell up to this point. He’d been beaten to the brink of death numerous times, raped, psychologically tortured, you name it. He just wanted peace. “….What? No. Listen to me. I’m not-I’m not going to touch you like that.” Aoba wished he could believe him. He really did. But it was something he’s heard before. He couldn’t trust anyone. “Listen. To. me. I’m not going to kill you. Are you okay to go inside? Do you want food? It’s almost breakfast time…Unless you’re tired. I have guest rooms.” Aoba just crumpled up again and muffled a small ‘ _Please just kill me’_ into his knees. “We need to go inside. Please listen to me.” Aoba stiffened. He knew what that meant. More torture. More pain. More starvation. He tried to look as ugly as he could at the auction house…at least you got to eat there.

Noiz sighed, shoulders heaving from exhaustion. “I won’t touch you. I’ll call a maid to come help you inside. Feel free to do what you like.” Noiz turned on his coil and typed a mass message to his staff. He opened the driver’s side door and got out, grabbing his bag. He looked over to the double doors of his small estate as they opened. It was Janice who was awake, the eldest of the maids. She quickly rushed to the passenger side and nodded at Noiz knowingly. He hadn’t really told her anything, only that he was to be looked after properly. Noiz shut the car door carefully and walked quickly inside, not wanting to disturb Aoba any further tonight.


	2. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter already!  
> sorry about this one being kind of short.  
> i pasted this directly from word so i hope everything looks right. @_@  
> thanks for the kudos and comments, hope you all like it!
> 
> warning: more graphic depictions of abuse in this chapter

 

By the time Aoba reached for consciousness the next morning, Noiz was long gone. He’d only slipped in a couple hours of sleep in before heading off to work again. Aoba’s eyes fluttered open sluggishly, feeling unusually warm and comfortable. It didn’t last long though, before he knew it there was a rap on the door. This caused his eyes to snap open, dread pooling in his gut. He began to remember the previous night’s events, looking around at the large room he was in. He had been placed in a queen-sized bed, the comforter that was wrapped around his hunched body was soft and expensive-feeling. He soaked in just a few more details, a bay window, a mahogany desk, a clothes hutch…and the large oak door from which the knocking came from.

“…Sir? Are you awake? We’ve had a breakfast prepared for you.” It was Janice again, her soft voice muffled by the door.

He had remembered her from last night, she was the one who had tucked him into bed after his sobs died down. He swallowed harshly, still feeling nervous around her. She was one of his new _master’s_ servants after all…they received orders from him. “A-Ah…Not hungry.” That was a flat out lie, but he was scared. Scared of being manipulated or punished later for eating without permission. That was something two of his previous captors would pull on him. They were two vicious emotional abusers, always depriving him of essentials. Mocking him, embarrassing him. They would torture him endlessly, and then offer gentle touch. It was sickening. It made his skin crawl. He hoped to god that his new master wasn’t like that. He couldn’t remember anything that he said to him in the car last night, which made him even more nervous. Aoba had no real impression of Noiz yet.

“Are you sure, dear? Our cook is excellent. I’m sure we can find something you’ll like.” She offered in a concerned tone. It wasn’t that, Aoba had no preferences for what he ate anymore. He could feel his stomach churn with hunger. He hadn’t had a hot meal in a very long time, and it was getting to him. Honestly though, what was a bit more pain? It felt worth it, to have something substantial in this stomach. He began to shake, slowly sitting up and bunching his knocking knees together. “I…” His voice quivered, trying to muster an actual response. _Skreee._ The brass doorknob turned. The door opened cracked open, revealing the worried face of Janice. Her thick eyebrows knotted together, and she spoke again. “Oh my goodness, you’re skin and bones.” She frowned deeply, getting her first real look at him in the light. Aoba flinched, trying not to make eye contact. She strode next to him slowly, lightly touching his shaking kneecap. “Ngh…” Aoba winced at the sudden touch. Janice removed her hand, feeling as if he may shatter underneath her fingertips. “Would you like it if I brought you a tray instead?” Aoba nodded abruptly, feeling much more comfortable with that idea. This manor had many flights of stairs, far too many for his weak body to climb up and down. The dining room was also a very open and communal place. Plus, _he_ might be there.

“Right away, don’t worry. My name is Janice if you ever need anything else, alright?” Aoba raised his head a bit, just to look at her face for a moment. She smiled at him warmly and he lowered it once again.  Sighing lightly, she headed towards the door. “….A-Aoba.” Janice turned around. “What was that..?” She asked in a kind voice. “My name…Aoba. It’s Aoba.” He felt a little proud of himself for speaking so clearly, but the fear was still there. He just took a huge risk. But, something about this woman calmed his heart just a bit. She had the same worrying tone of grandma... “Nice to meet you, Aoba. Your food will be right up.” He could hear her voice perk up a bit more with each word. Shortly after that, she arrived with a tray of various breakfast foods. He ate as much as he could, which wasn’t a lot, considering how much his stomach must’ve shrunk. Aoba spent the rest of the morning in bed, savoring the comfortable feeling. There was a bookshelf and a small television in the room as well, but Aoba couldn’t read German nor was fluent enough to follow many of the programs. This fact upset him further, making him miss his native tongue, his favorite books, and his favorite television shows back in Japan. That was a long time ago, before Toue took over his home island and much of the country.

Aoba was 15 when Toue captured him, preforming various invasive and often painful tests on his body. The boy had a very unique power, the ability to control people with his voice. He’d barely known it himself at the time. This was very enticing to Toue, and with Aoba’s help, he was able to capture the data needed to replicate the ability. Soon after, he used this technology for his minions, his television broadcasts, and even his own throat. The small oasis that he controlled, labeled as _Platinum Jail_ soon expanded and took over the whole island from which he lived. The home he had known when he was a child wouldn’t be the same now. Aoba had no idea what had happened to his grandma, his friends, or any of the other island residents. Not that he had the capacity to wonder at the time. He was in critical condition by the time research on his body had ended.

 As soon as Aoba regained consciousness, he was thrown onto the streets. He’d been naked and half-dead when the cartel found him, these people were only the beginning of the years of torture that were to come. His virginity was taken by them, and after they had their fill, he was sold. His first master was rough and to the point. His piercing eyes still haunted Aoba when his eyelids fell, they were animalistic, inhuman. The majority of scars that graced Aoba’s body were thanks to him, deep gashes already suffocating his young body and mind in pain. He didn’t resist after that. Soon after, he was passed and thrown around, from abuser to abuser. Humans, _if you could ever call them that_ , who consciously bought another as a playtoy. As stress relief. As a pet. By this point, despite his ever-present fear, he was used to it. He’d briefly talked to other slaves a couple of times, describing to him their blissful feeling of numbness. He envied them deeply, because for some reason, he could never reach that point. He could never fall to his knees and accept it fully, body and soul. Although non-combative, he would scream and cry throughout each painful and violating experience. This was also the reason that each previous owner would sell him off after no more than a couple of years. Noiz was his first new owner in 2 years, after all, he was seen as unsavory, or _‘defective’_ at this point.

As it was nearing evening, Aoba decided to leave his comfortable place in bed. He stood very carefully, feeling his bones crack and his muscles ache. He walked slowly, still wearing the pajamas from last night. Aoba sat on the soft cushion adjacent to the bay window and rested his forehead against the cool glass. He looked out to a large front yard, full of topiary. The late-April sky was dim and cloudy, but it still captivated Aoba. It was rare that he could look out freely like this, it was rare when he could see anything at all. Warm tears began flowing down his hollow cheeks, a bitter smile creeping unto his face. The fear he felt about this whole situation still rested deep in his heart, but this moment was magic to him. He had felt comfort, a full stomach, and now he was looking onto the world as per his own will. He exhaled hot breath onto the window pane, creating fog. Aoba lifted his bony hand to the fog and drew a smiley face. This made him cry even harder, smiling with teeth flashed. He imagined being with his childhood friend, Koujaku. He imagined them drawing funny pictures on the glass together and he imagined how his Granny would yell at them for dirtying her windows. He imagined feeling his dog Ren on his lap again, wagging his tail in delight. He thought about Granny’s delicious home-made food, missing the taste of his home country’s cuisine.

All of these bittersweet feelings soon came to a halt. Aoba retracted his hand from the glass and the corners of his mouth fell.  He watched the same black Ferrari from last night pull into the driveway. Fear and dread pooled into his veins, a cold sweat forming. Aoba watched as Noiz exited the car, shut the door, and pressed the lock button. Not wanting to be seen, He jerked his body away from the window. Before he could balance himself he fell backwards, face-up on the hardwood floor. “Ack!” He seethed, pain wracking his spine and head. He could feel a headache coming on promptly.

Aoba stayed on the floor, curling into a ball on his side. He could hear footsteps approaching the door and he shut his eyes tightly. _Go away go away go aw-_ His frantic thoughts were interrupted by the screech of an opening door. “Aoba?” Janice. “Aoba..? What are you doing on the floor? Are you alright?” She walked over to him, kneeling at his side. “Mnnnnnph…” He stifled his voice, curling up tighter. “…Mr. Noiz would like for you to join him for dinner tonight.” She said, not sure about that idea. Noiz wanted Aoba to feel more at home, but she wasn’t positive that now was the time. A pained noise shot from Aoba’s throat _. Here it is. My moment of peace is over. I’m so scared. What will he do? Will he punish me now?_ “…Scared.” He whimpered out, words muffled by his hands.

Janice frowned deeply, curiosity burning in her gut. _Why did Mr. Noiz bring him here? Where did he come from? He won’t tell me a thing, and this poor boy couldn’t explain if he wanted to._ “May I help you dress? I’m sure you’re sick of those itchy-looking pajamas.” Aoba slowly removed one hand from his face, revealing red, puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. He looked at her pleadingly. She responded with a defeated _‘There’s nothing I can do’_ expression. Silent tears fell from his eyes and he nodded slowly, accepting his inevitable fate. He tried his best to prop up his torso, grimacing at the pain in his head and back. Janice slowly placed her hands on his torso and back, gently helping him to his feet. The touch was unwanted, but helpful.

Once he was on his feet, Aoba was led to the clothes hutch, a large full-length mirror to his left. He hated looking at himself, and avoided glancing at it as best he could. “Alright, dear, let’s see.” He watched as she opened the hutch, skimming through the collection of clothes. She picked out a plain white button down, casual black slacks, and a black belt. She rummaged in the drawer below the closet, pulling out a new package of men’s briefs and some white cotton socks. “These are Mr. Noiz’s old clothes, so they may be a bit big until we can pick something out your size.” Aoba looked at the clothes Janice laid on the bed. It’d been a while since he’s worn anything this nice, too big or not. Janice gestured him to the white dressing screen in the corner of the room. “You can change behind there, just let me help you with the buttons, alright?” There was no way he could do them up properly with hands shaking like that.

Aoba nodded to her, taking the clothes from the bed. He walked behind the screen, slipping off his dirty pajamas. He wasn’t uncomfortable being seen naked anymore, but was happy to take advantage of some privacy for once. He put on the underwear, a little unused to the feeling. He slipped on the too-big pants, looping the belt through the notches. He tried to button the shirt himself, failing miserably. Giving up, Aoba dropped his hands back to his sides and stepped from behind the screen. “Um…” Janice perked her head up. “Ah! Let me help.” She walked over to him and buttoned his shirt with ease. She then helped him with the belt and sat him down to put on the socks. Janice looked him up and down, smiling.

“You look very nice! I can’t wait until we get something in your size.” Aoba looked at her, cautiously, scanning for any sign of ridicule. He was wholly surprised at how genuine she sounded. It made his cheeks tinge pink. “Alright, dinner should be ready any minute. Do you want to freshen up in the bathroom before going downstairs?” That sounded wonderful. He could still feel the salty remnants of tears on his cheeks, it left a sticky feeling on his face. “Ah, and this hair could use some taming.” Janice reached for a stray lock of azure hair on Aoba’s shoulder. “Ah!! Please don’t!” He stepped back, feeling horrified. “I-I mean, my hair is sensitive.” Aoba’s hair had been very sensitive from birth, giving him intense pain when handled roughly.  It delighted his captors, however. This resulted in many scars on his scalp, along with a couple bald spots. He didn’t mean to yell at her, it was just a reflex now. He furrowed his brows, feeling nervous. “Oh my, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked first, my bad.” She said in a worried but apologetic tone. “Here, let me show you where the bathroom is.” A lighter, perkier tone was used this time. Aoba tried to find any hint of sarcasm, but it just wasn’t there. _What kind of master is this guy? Hiring strangely kind servants? Was this something psychological?_ Tons of questions swam through his mind. He let his feet carry him along, following Janice.

“In here, I’ll be waiting right outside.” She opened the door for him, and he exited the long hallway into the bathroom. After the door was shut behind him, Aoba looked around. There was a large marble vanity, a huge tub and step in shower, a fancy looking sink, and hell, even the toilet looked expensive. Aoba stepped over to the sink, looking at himself in the large mirror. It was inevitable. He scowled at his raggedy reflection, touching the dark circles, the scars, the bald spots. He looked _horrendous._

 _Why the hell did he purchase me? Is this a sick joke? Does this guy get off on humiliation?_ He sighed, fighting back tears yet again _. I have to eat with him. What will he say to me? What’s going to happen?_ He turned on the faucet and splashed cool water onto his face with shaking hands. Aoba washed his hands, cleaned his finger nails, and begrudgingly tried to manage his hair. _He’ll probably punish me more if I’m dirty._ After he finished tidying up, Aoba stared at himself a little longer. There was a time when his hair was full and shiny. When his teeth were strong, when his fingernails weren’t brittle. There was a time when his body had no difficulty keeping itself up. When he laughed, and talked freely, and ate and loved and enjoyed.

_There was a time when Aoba was Aoba._

He bit his lip viciously, trying not to ruin his face again with tears.

“Aoba…? You okay in there?” Janice’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“Y-Yeah….be right there.”


	3. Spirited Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chapter to make up for that short one! like i said before, sorry for any mistakes!  
> i feel like these two wouldnt get anywhere without janice, lmao  
> so anyways, thanks for the comments and kudos!! they really motivate me wow  
> hope you like it! (p.s...aobas birthday next chapter ;o)

Noiz lifted his gaze from the paperwork piled atop the dining room table. He heard small, slow, footsteps walk down the second-floor stairs. Two pairs of tired eyes met, visible fear plaguing the set belonging to Aoba. Janice was slowly guiding him downstairs, holding him steady. Noiz scanned over the newly-dressed figure. It was a little comical how loosely Noiz’s clothes fit on his small frame. Not to mention that he was almost a full 2 inches taller than Aoba. “Go ahead and sit down dear, the food will be set out shortly.” She led him into the dining room, gesturing to the large glass table. Janice slipped into the kitchen door quickly afterwards, probably to help prepare.

Noiz watched as Aoba looked just stared at the floor, avoiding any further eye contact. He wasn’t sure why the kid was just standing there like that. Janice just told him where to sit, after all. There were 5 empty chairs too.

“Hey, you can sit you know.” Noiz furrowed his brow. _Does he really think he needs to ask permission to sit down?_ He continued to watch as Aoba began to shake, opening and closing his mouth a few times. He felt conflicted, after all. Noiz told him he could sit, but where? The floor? That was something he was used to. The fact that he ‘ _could’_ do it was also confusing to his conditioned brain. “Here, in the chair.” Noiz was annoyed by his behavior, even though it wasn’t Aoba’s fault. The strawberry blonde stood, putting his paperwork away into a bag on the floor. He then stepped closer to Aoba, pulling out a chair for him.

“You don’t need to ask to sit.” Aoba raised his head, flinching only slightly when he met Noiz’s bright green eyes. He nodded a little, stepping to the table. He sat down carefully and Noiz pushed in his chair a bit. “So,” Noiz returned to his own seat at the head of the table. “I’ve looked into your hometown, trying to find any relatives. I figured you were probably sick of being part of all of this.” Aoba’s head turned to Noiz so fast he could’ve gotten whiplash. Noiz had received the email about Aoba’s specifics while he was at work, and found himself enamored in research for a good part of the day. That, and the fact that Noiz could barely stay awake, was why Hana convinced him to go home early. “…Unfortunately, ever since that Toue Inc. took over the whole place, the networks have been completely blocked off from foreigners. I tried as best as I could to break in, but it didn’t work. So that leads me to my main question, do you have anywhere else to go?”

Aoba could feel tears well in his eyes, a deep pain wrenching at his heart. The news he’d been worried about for all of these years, after all of his hopes and delusions, finally came. And it wasn’t good. Toue had taken complete control, just as he feared. Aoba sat there, chewing his lips once again. “…If you don’t, I have no issue with you staying here.” Noiz’s even-toned voice sent him back to reality.

 “I figured that you would still be afraid, but I wanted you to have dinner with me so I could discuss it with you.” Noiz stared at Aoba’s now-bloody lips. “Tch. You need to stop that.” He picked up a cloth napkin and handed it to Aoba. He took it with quivering hands and patted the blood from his mouth. Hazel eyes met green for just a moment. Aoba could see Noiz’s features twist, but he wasn’t sure what emotion it was from. Noiz spent the moment with eyebrows pushed together, savoring the strange and unpleasant feeling that filled his body when looking at those eyes. They were so full of pain and fear, and for some reason, it angered the blonde. Noiz snapped his gaze away. He felt like the vulnerable one just then, ironically enough. Aoba followed suit, placing his gaze on the table. He thought for a moment, mustering up the courage to speak. Noiz had asked him a direct question after all. “I…don’t have any other place.” He choked on his words, thoughts returning to the state of his hometown. The bluenette wondered if he had any real say in the end. His new master’s strange kindness confused him, but Aoba chalked it up to him just being a good liar.

Before Noiz could respond to him, the sound of the kitchen door opening and porcelain clattering filled the room. Janice and the other, younger maid, wheeled in a large silvery cart filled with food. The two watched as the maids set the silverware, glasses, and finally the food-filled plates on the table. It was just a simple dish of pasta and tomato sauce, some garlic bread, and for dessert there were various types of pastries. “Your favorite, sir. What can I get you two to drink?” The younger maid asked them, far less aware of the true circumstances of this situation than Janice. “Coffees’ fine. Thanks Pauline.” Noiz then looked to Aoba, presumably giving him ‘permission’ to speak. “Um….water is ok. T-Thank you.” Aoba spoke in a barely audible voice, unsure of his options to begin with. Janice smiled at him with that warm expression of hers. She was proud of him for answering for himself.  She gripped the ice water pitcher from the cart and poured some into Aoba’s glass, right as Pauline was pouring fresh coffee into Noiz’s. “Alright, have a nice dinner you two.” Janice smiled once again, this time more forced looking, it was out of habit. She and Pauline wheeled the cart back, leaving the two alone once again.

Aoba looked to his food, an excited feeling filling his gut. He felt much more at ease knowing that Janice helped prepare his meal, not to mention how good it looked. He shifted his gaze to Noiz, who was already taking a bite with the same bored look at usual. The blonde looked back at him quizzically. “Do you not like pasta?” Aoba’s face flushed, and shook his head a few times. “N-No, It’s good.” He picked up the fork and spoke to himself quietly this time. “Itadakimasu.” Noiz paused for a moment, remembering how he’d seen Japanese people do that in movies a few times. “How do you say that..Ita..Uh.” Noiz questioned the now eating Aoba. He swallowed, and set the fork down. “Do you mean…Itadakimasu? Oh, sorry, it’s just …been so long since I’ve eaten at a table like th-.”Aoba stopped, fearing greatly that he’d said too much. Noiz asked him a simple, straightforward question. Before he could curse himself further, Noiz interrupted his fearful thoughts. “Ah. Itadakimasu.” That was it. Noiz continued to eat, grabbing some garlic bread from the basket in the center. Aoba stared at him for a few seconds, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. _Why didn’t he punish me? Or even say anything? Will he punish me….later? Like that? _

“So, since you’ll be staying here, I figured we could go and get you some clothes tomorrow. Don’t worry about money or anything, it’s not a problem. Once you get situated, I could get you a German tutor if you’d like, if not, that’s fine too.” Noiz said casually, already finished with most of his meal. Aoba watched him in awe as he took a drink from his coffee glass. Noiz caught his stare, and an annoyed expression etched into his face. “What? Do you just want to stay here all day and do nothing? Why are you like this? I took off work you know-“ Noiz closed his mouth, feeling like anything could come out of it if left open. He couldn’t help it. He never ever did these things for anyone, and when he did, the damn idiot wouldn’t even accept it? Or even speak? All he did was stare at him!  He set the cup down and sighed deeply.

Aoba’s face was plastered with fear yet again. He didn’t even really yell, but the kid was petrified. It reminded him of the previous night far too much. “Hey. Calm down, alright? Are you full? You didn’t eat much.” His tone of voice shifted into a more exasperated one. Aoba was stiff, shoulders hunched. “Hey. Hey, Aoba. Are you okay? Answer me at least.” Aoba just lowered his head and began to shake. “ _You need to show concern, and don’t lose your temper.”_ He could just hear Janice’s stern voice from this morning scolding him. “I’m sorry.” That was the only thing that exited his quivering lips.

“What? No. Stop that. You have no reason to apologize. Please calm down, okay? I have no idea how to help someone when they cry.” Noiz pushed his plate aside and stood, pushing his chair in carefully. The sound of the scraping would probably scare him more. Aoba lifted his head, still wearing that terrified expression. Noiz felt a little angry, sticking his neck out for someone like this. Especially someone who had no capacity to appreciate it. It also made him feel horribly vulnerable and confused. When he thought of Aoba like this, it made him feel both idiotic and strangely _good_. With the unfamiliar feeling wracking the blonde’s brain, he stepped to Aoba’s side. “I think I have something that might cheer you up, if you’re done eating.” Blech. The words felt foreign rolling off his tongue. Aoba flinched. _He’s going to rape me now. That’s the only explanation._ Aoba pushed his plate away, appetite completely gone and replaced by an overwhelming nausea. Noiz frowned, noting the small dent made in Aoba’s meal.

“Janice, could you come tend to him?” Noiz raised his voice, just enough to reach behind the kitchen door. A few moments later, Janice walked through the door, adjusting her headpiece. Her once smiling face soon faded when she saw Aoba’s. She stepped towards Aoba, worry plastering her face. It snapped to annoyed anger when she looked at Noiz. “What did you say to him?” Noiz groaned, grimacing at her. “Nothing! He’s being irrational!” She scoffed. “Right, sure. Your temper got the best of you huh? Look, he’s not eating because of you. You oughta be ashamed!” She said, snarky tone intact. Hmph. Noiz yanked his bag off of the floor. “Just convince him to eat some more. When he’s done, send him to the entertainment room.” Aoba shook harder. _Entertainment room. He’s one of those._ “Oh dear, Aoba, it’ll be alright.” She kneeled to his side, desperately trying to console him. Noiz groaned again, annoyed with how well Aoba trusted her already. After all, it was Noiz who ordered her to care for him. Aoba’s fear towards him reminded Noiz of the children from childhood. They were all so scared. It used to delight him, but now it was just making the man angry. He could hear still hear Janice’s voice and how it was already calming Aoba down as he walked past the dining room into a hallway. Noiz opened the door to the entertainment room and sighed, emotions flooding his drained body.

What Aoba didn’t know was that the entertainment room was actually just a small theatre, equipped with tons of movies and games. The large flatscreen television was the belle of the ball, however. Noiz sat on the front-row couch. He rested his body for a moment before opening and rummaging through the bag he’d brought in. He pushed past the multiple folders filled with paper and grasped the DVD containers, pulling them out onto his lap. This were all bought today on the way home from work. He scanned over the titles, a little bemused. Most of the top grossing films in Japan were animated, but the store clerk said that these were worth the watch. Noiz tried not to think about the fact that he went out of his way to find a store selling Japanese movies, for not himself, but Aoba. After he found out that there wasn’t any use in trying to find information about Aoba’s hometown, Noiz wanted to bring some sort of good news home. This was the only thing he could think of on such short notice. He hoped that his uncharacteristic kindness wouldn’t be overlooked this time.

“Mr. Noiz? Aoba will be coming in now.” Janice spoke at the entertainment room’s door, patting Aoba’s shoulder comfortingly. “Don’t worry. He’s more bark than bite.” Janice whispered at the bluenette next to her before turning the doorknob. Aoba didn’t completely understand the expression, and braced himself as best as he could. Noiz’s head perked up and looked at Aoba, who was now much calmer, but still visibly nervous. The maid shut the door behind him and wished for the best. _Please don’t screw up again, idiot._

“Hey.” Noiz said. Aoba stood there awkwardly once again, not sure what to do with himself. What he thought would be some sort of sick sex dungeon was actually just a theatre room. He was relieved to no end, but very confused. “…Hi.” Noiz stood up from the couch, still holding the DVD cases, and ventured towards the TV. He sat down on the floor, Indian-style. “Come on, you gotta pick the movie.” Noiz waved his hand, gesturing Aoba to sit next to him. The shorter man nodded, and walked slowly to Noiz. He sat carefully, legs tucked underneath him. Scarred hands placed 4 DVD cases in Aoba’s lap.

“I hope you’ll recognize these….they’re in Japanese, with German subtitles of course.” His heart filled with a light and fluttery feeling when he saw Aoba’s reaction. His eyes widened and lit up, a light shone in them different from any he’d seen before. “So, these are alright? Which one’s your favorite?” Noiz subconsciously leaned closer Aoba. He noted the weak scent of cinnamon that lingered on him. “Ghibli films…I haven’t seen one of these in so many years.” For that moment, like the moment at the bay window, the fear he felt slowly fell deep into his heart. For whatever reason, this person, who he assumed would have raped or tortured him by now, hadn’t touched him once. He even looked for his family, gave him food, a room…now, this man went out of his way to find movies in his native tongue? Aoba definitely wasn’t fully convinced, but this kindness, genuine or not, felt so overwhelming. Tears began to well in his eyes again, but this time, they weren’t from pain or fear.

“Aoba? Are you crying? Fuck. What did I do now….” Before Noiz could begin pouting again, Aoba turned to him, tears in his eyes. “I like this one.” Noiz calmed down instantly when Aoba spoke. “….Spirited away?” He read the title aloud. "Alright, I’ll put it in. Just stop crying okay?” He nodded, wiping his eyes gingerly. The blonde put in the disc and pressed play. “C’mon, let’s sit on the couch.” Noiz stood, and watched Aoba struggle to balance himself when he stood. He held back the urge to steady him. They both sat on the leather couch, each situated on opposite ends. Noiz pressed a button on the remote, dimming the lights. Aoba was only slightly alarmed by this and settled back into the couch cushion. Noiz rested his head back, watching Aoba much more than the movie. He could see that same light shine in his eyes when the first words of Japanese were spoken. About halfway through the movie, Noiz was starting to get tired. After about 5 minutes of trying to keep his eyes open, he whispered to the still-delighted Aoba. “Aoba…I’m gonna fall asleep. Wake me up when it’s over, kay?” Noiz’s voice was almost slurring. He’d had only 4 or 5 hours of sleep in the past few days, and it was catching up with him. Aoba turned his head to Noiz, body tensing out of reflex. Before he could respond, Noiz’s body sunk into the couch and his eyelids fell closed.

Aoba was very unsure of what to do after that, but after around 20 minutes of staring directly at Noiz’s sleeping face, his nerves began to calm. He really was asleep. Aoba went back to enjoying the movie, glancing at Noiz every few minutes. He never moved, his chest just rose and fell steadily for the rest of the film. After Aoba finished reading the credits, the screen went dark and returned to the menu. He looked at the now somewhat sprawled out Noiz, who he was now supposed to wake up. The bluenette’s nerves were shot by this.

 _How am I supposed to wake him? What if I do it wrong? What if, What if, What if?_ That’s when something occurred to him. This was the first time where his captor was vulnerable, and not him. His first instinct was to beat the living fuck out of him, try to kill him, rape him, and return what he’d been given all of these years. Not only was he too weak to do any of that, but Noiz had done nothing but try and help him so far. It wouldn’t be in good conscience to hurt him. Aoba sighed, feeling pretty tired himself. _If only he was one of the others. What I’d give to hurt them._ He tried his best to compose himself, feeling like a crybaby. He looked at Noiz’s face, getting his first good look at his ‘master’ without that fear clouding his vision. He looked like the usual European, nothing particularly special. Aoba scooted closer to him, careful not to wake him up. He looked at his clothes, expensive, tailored probably. When Aoba’s gaze reached Noiz’s hands, he felt a tinge of curiosity and maybe a small bit of sympathy. They were scarred pretty badly. It looked like his hands had been broken a lot, but not operated on.

He let his curiosity get the best of him and reached out to touch a particularly large scar with shaking fingers. Aoba looked to his face again, no sign of waking present. He almost giggled with excitement. He got to touch him first. Aoba couldn’t remember being carried from the Auction, but that was probably for the best at this point. He began touching Noiz’s right hand all over, checking to make sure he wasn’t waking up to this. Thinking about what would happen if he did wasn’t any fun.

After the initial excitement, Aoba retracted his hands and frowned. Now he was left with the decision of how to wake Noiz up. He’d been thinking for only a few minutes when he heard a voice. Aoba’s body froze, just inches from the strawberry blonde’s sleeping form.

“Just….let me out…please, please. Please.” It was Noiz, mumbling various things in his sleep. He’d whimper now and then, eyebrows pressed together in pain. Aoba listened to him, alert, just in case he woke up. He took a risk. “Are you okay? Who’s locked you up?” He was actually _worried_ about the person who _bought him_. Stockholm’s aside, this guy, whoever he really was, was fucked up somehow. Just like Aoba. “Aoba…?” Noiz’s eyes opened, half-lidded. His voice was soft and tired, clearly not the unfeeling voice that Aoba’d been accustomed to. His fear was starting to return, despite the earnest and hurting eyes that he was looking at. Awake will always be scarier than asleep. “Sorry, you were just…saying things.” His voice had become small again. “Shhh. It’s ok.” Noiz was still half-asleep, and not quite coherent. He lifted the hand that Aoba was touching, and hovered it over the side of Aoba’s now-drained face. “Sorry I missed the movie... Did you like it?” His hand was still there, as if asking permission to touch the skin just beneath it. “Yes, thank you.” Aoba cautiously placed his own hand on top of Noiz’s. He felt much warmer now. Noiz smiled, just a little, and pressed his warm hand to Aoba’s cheek very gently. He felt vaguely sad that he couldn’t feel the texture of the skin. “I’m glad.”

Aoba’s eyes widened, surprised at the lack of flinching coming from his body. The touch was just far too honest and far too gentle to alarm his body in that way. He’d never felt a touch like this, and it confused his whole being. A body conditioned like Aoba’s very rarely received such affection. Warm tears filled his hazel eyes and flowed down his cheeks. Noiz noticed, now a little more awake. He carefully wiped away the tears, trying very hard not to be too abrasive. It was really hard to gauge sometimes.

“Are you okay? Are you ready for bed? I’ll call a maid if you’d like.” Noiz felt a little guilty for making Aoba cry like that. He tried to pull his hand away but Aoba stopped him, tightening the grip on Noiz’s hand.

“Just one more minute, please.”


	4. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eek really sorry that this took me 8 days to finish, school has been kicking my ass  
> so to make up for it, a way longer chapter! i thought about splitting it in half, but it just didn't click well.  
> i'm a little iffy about this, but i hope you like it! please excuse any technical mistakes ;_;
> 
> i <3 your comments and kudos wow

 

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Noiz’s unusual kindness didn’t last. Once he’d woken up fully and realized what was going on, Noiz shoved Aoba’s hand away and left the room immediately. He balled his once gentle hand into a fist and headed to his room, ignoring Janice’s confused voice calling to him. He felt like an idiot. Locking himself in his room, Noiz spent a good chunk of the evening fighting with himself. Not only did he let his defense down in front of someone, he let it down in front of Aoba. Who was still essentially a stranger.

The blonde paced around for a while before eventually settling into bed. He didn’t even bother to change. His body sunk into the pillow-top mattress.

_Why am I doing this? Why is my own body betraying me? I could have just ordered him shit off of the internet. I could’ve left him with the bad news and nothing more. I could’ve kicked him out._

For some reason, Noiz couldn’t bring himself to do that. At first he thought it was just pity for Aoba’s pathetic situation….but now, he had these horrible urges to help him. To give him what he’d most definitely never had. He felt like his impulse control and common sense had taken a vacation and left the fucking interns in charge. Noiz almost regretted the decision to take work off the next day. But again, he couldn’t bring himself to hurt the kid like that.

Although Noiz had fallen asleep easy after that, Aoba wasn’t so lucky. The small bit of progress he’d made just then felt as if it had gone to waste. When Noiz left the room abruptly, Aoba regressed. On top of those usual terrified and uncomfortable feelings, a new emotion was piled on. He felt rejected. He felt so small, even more so than usual. His instincts were telling him to hide, to try and escape from the abuse that was likely to become. His small body didn’t move from the couch, it only cowered as Aoba wrapped himself into the fetal position. He was so far gone in his thoughts, his worries, and his horrible fears, that he barely noticed when Janice entered the room and dragged him along. He could hear her speaking, but none of the words seemed to register. He let his feet carry his body along as it was being guided upstairs by Janice once again.

His mind slowly returned to the surface when they reached the door now known as Aoba’s. Janice let go of his shoulders and instead held his hand. She opened the door and walked him in, helping him to the bed. “Are you alright? You seem out of it. Damn, that Noiz…he just can’t help himself. If I had a dollar for every time I had to console one of his one-night-stands….” Her voice soon trailed off. Aoba tried his best to calm his shaky body and push the invasive thoughts away long enough to listen to Janice speak. She looked back to Aoba, eyes visibly softening when she met his once again terrified gaze. “I will tell you this though. He must really care for you, you know. I’ve never seen him go through so much trouble before…So don’t give up on him yet, okay?” Aoba listened, feeling his stomach do flips when she said that. “I don’t really know much about either of you, but even a stranger could see it…Even though he’s a little rough around the edges. And if he hurts you, just tell me so I can whack him with a frying pan!”

Aoba nodded meekly. It was nostalgic, talking to someone like Janice. He felt tired despite the anxiety that bubbled in his chest. Janice straightened herself and walked to the clothes hutch, opening the door. She pulled out a clean pair of cotton pajamas and set them on the end of Aoba’s bed. “You okay to change?” Aoba opened his mouth to try and respond, but his vocal chords just wouldn’t work right. He nodded instead. “Alright, get some rest, okay? The butler is back from some time off, so give him a shout if you need something.” Janice sighed, exhausted herself. She couldn’t wait to get some sleep. Aoba nodded again and watched as she carefully exited and closed the door. The moment she left, Aoba felt instantly worse. He wished that she would’ve just stayed. The silence in his dim room was unbearable, it let his mind race with no distraction. Silence was his enemy as far as he was concerned. Aoba stood, his knees almost buckling at first. He quickly changed, wanting to get under the covers as fast as possible.

Aoba tried his best to button the nightshirt, but failed. Once again his hands were shaking like he’d licked a coffee shop dry. He gave up and let the shirt hang open loosely. Once he pulled back the pristine white comforter, he slipped underneath and pulled it all the way to his nose. This room was definitely a perk. Unreadable and confusing master aside, this was a giant step up from previous owners. He’d never really gotten his own bed, let alone a whole room and a hutch of clothes. He tried not to think of the times when 2 of his previous master’s would leave him on the floor, naked, blindfolded, and shackled all day. That was a time when the silence was definitely unbearable. He savored the soft and comfortable feeling that the bed gave him, shutting his eyes tightly. Aoba wished and wished that he could escape the intruding thoughts and feelings that berated him. Soon enough, his crinkled brow softened as he fell into an uneasy, nightmare-ridden unconsciousness.

**________________**

Noiz woke up the next morning feeling heavy and sluggish. He sat up in bed, groaning and rubbing his eyes. The clock on his bedside read ’10:23 AM’ He glanced at it, feeling annoyed about how late he slept in. Once the blonde came to full consciousness he slumped over and out of bed. He stretched, still wearing his dress clothes. “Ugh.” He stripped off the layers of the now muggy and uncomfortable fabric. He squinted his eyes at the bright light that flowed through white curtains. Noiz’s room was similar to Aoba’s, only larger, messier, and equipped with tons of electronics. He grabbed some clothes and headed to the adjoining bathroom. Noiz took a quick, way too hot shower and dressed quickly. He’d decided on something a bit more casual to suit today’s activities, dark blue jeans and a grey button-down.

It was then that the very unwanted guilt crept up on him.

_God dammit. I just left him there, didn’t I? The staff must’ve helped him, I’m sure. Shit, why am I so worried? He’s fine. It’s fine. We’ll go out to eat and do some shopping, and then it’s over. I’ll go back to work and all of this shit will go away._ He was brought back to reality by his coil ringing. He picked it up from his bedside table, snapping it onto his wrist.

“Yeah?” He answered the call. He’d grimaced at the caller ID just a minute ago. It was his father.

“Hana tells me you aren’t attending work today, am I correct? You aren’t just an underling any more, Noiz. You need to accept some damn responsibility.” Noiz gritted his teeth, fighting the urge to just absolutely go off on the bastard. Noiz wasn’t exactly the most reliable guy, but he’d always worked his ass off. Nobody helped him get to where he was. Nepotism played no part in his success.

“…You can’t just pawn off your work on your poor assistant either. You and I both know that you aren’t taking a sick day.” His father’s gruff voice echoed throughout the room. “I get it. I have some things to take care of today. I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” Noiz’s voice was cold and harsh. The only time he contacted him was as a boss, as an employer. Even now the guy never paid the least bit of attention to his son, not to mention that his parents tried to keep Noiz from his younger brother. As far as they were concerned, they only really had _one_ child.

“Fine. Just don’t bother me if you do something stupid again.” His father hung up before Noiz could even respond. “Tch.” Noiz suffocated the small and sad feeling that his father gave him with anger. Just as he always did.

He tried his best to shove that problem away long enough to focus on the one at hand. Noiz couldn’t bear to drag Aoba around town in that nervous state of his. It made him feel horribly uncomfortable, and honestly, a little bit like a monster. Maybe it was just because of the kid’s past, but his terrified disposition clashed with Noiz’s own unpredictable but placid one. He figured that Aoba was probably holed up in his room, most likely because of him. Noiz ultimately decided to apologize. It went against his own immediate instinct, but maybe it would help Aoba feel more comfortable around him. He finished drying his hair with a towel and slipped on some shoes. He grabbed his keys and wallet, shoving them into his pockets.

When he reached Aoba’s door at the opposite end of the hallway, he hesitated. After a few moments of conflicting thoughts, Noiz rapped on the wood a few times. No answer. He did it again, harder this time. Nothing. He was a little irked. “Hey, I know I was a douche, but ignoring me? Really?” Still no kind of answer. He huffed, feeling annoyed that his kindness wasn’t getting the full recognition he deemed appropriate. “…Whatever.” Noiz muttered to himself and turned around. He headed towards the secondary staircase attached to the informal dining area. The grand staircase was mostly for show and led into the main room, a dazzling foyer. Noiz grumbled to himself, ready to scold Janice for allowing Aoba to lock himself away all morning. Before Noiz could even open his mouth, a flash of azure caught in the corner of his eye. He stopped at the landing, feeling instantly embarrassed but equally frustrated.

Aoba was seated at the breakfast nook, a mug of something in hand. He was already dressed, hair pulled into a loose ponytail. Janice was chatting with him, probably trying to ease his doubts about being downstairs without Noiz there. Noiz just huffed again, seemingly adopting the behavior of a toddler. Janice looked to him quizzically as the blonde silently walked past and sat across from Aoba. Aoba’s reaction was predictable. He immediately shut his mouth with gaze cast into his cup.

“So you decided to join us in the land of the living, eh?” She joked, trying to lighten the clearly darkening mood.

Noiz squinted at her grumpily. “…Just get me some damn coffee.” She just smirked at him, nodding lightly. “Yes, your highness.” She teased again, throwing a smile of encouragement to Aoba before venturing into the kitchen. He looked at her meekly, feeling pangs of nervousness return to his chest. Being alone with Noiz was nerve wracking to say the least. Janice had been particularly encouraging today, convincing Aoba to get ready and come downstairs like this. It took a good 45 minutes to pull Aoba out of his petrified mood, respectively. At the time, it was kind of nice to spend time with someone like that so lightheartedly…but now, Aoba felt little waves of regret crash into his gut. He had dressed, left his designated room, he even ate and drank without permission. Even with the approval of Janice, these things were ultimately up to Noiz. Even if the dog sitter let a puppy off of their leash, it didn’t mean that the owner would do it himself or approve, for that matter. Aoba definitely did not want to think about last night either. He was used to being treated like dirt, but this felt much worse, given such a meaningful touch only for it to be ripped away. Aoba half-wondered if it was all a dream.

Noiz watched as Aoba spaced out, looking into what was probably tea in his mug. He watched as Aoba’s eyebrows furrowed together now and then. There was this mood of his again, too frightened to even lift his head. It made Noiz want to shake the kid, get through to him that he wasn’t going to hurt him. He concluded that would be pretty counterproductive. He let a small sigh escape his lips. Fierce embarrassment and frustration aside, he knew that he needed to apologize. That was the only way to make this trip less unbearable. Aoba didn’t know any specifics, hell, he didn’t remember when his own birthday was. He figured that this was just a routine trip to a clothing store. Even so, the thought of being in public like that scared him. Aoba wondered if this was a test to see if he would run when given the chance.

“Hey.” Noiz spoke, voice even-toned but not harsh. Aoba tentatively raised his head, cringing a little when he met Noiz’s determined gaze. Aoba could feel his heart beat rapidly when looking into those eyes.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “…What’re you drinking?”

Aoba hesitated, hoping that Janice wouldn’t get in trouble. “…She, um, she made me some chamomile. To calm…I guess.” His voice squeaked quieter with each word. He was rambling again. Dammit.

Noiz didn’t know what to say. He chickened out at the last minute, losing the one good moment to apologize. Another one of those disgusting urges invaded his chest. Noiz wanted to touch Aoba like that again, gently, kindly, but he knew that he’d completely fucking blew it. He had enough knowledge of post-traumatic stress disorder from his own shit to realize that this kid had it bad. There probably wasn’t much he could do, in fact, he’d probably only make it worse. Noiz pinned a little note in his brain. _Might want to look into counseling later._ He’d never open up to one of those shrinks, but maybe it would help Aoba. What a strange little gesture of kindness.

Just one more sickening thought invaded his brain, before the staff returned.

_I wish that I could feel his skin._

“Sooorrry, Mister Noiz, I uh, maybe, kind of, mixed up the coffee beans again.” Pauline uttered timidly, following behind the cart being pushed by the butler. Aoba was grateful for their sudden presence. Noiz just rolled his eyes, genuinely wondering why he hadn’t fired her yet. “Yes, I apologize for the wait.” That was the butler, Fritz. An older guy, tall, had the whole fancy thing going for him. He seemed annoyed despite the pleasant look on his face.

“Here, let me do it, Fritz. I-uh, made a mistake after all. Heh…” He looked at her apprehensively for a moment, is if to say “You sure you won’t screw this up too?”

 He then nodded, stepping aside to give Pauline access. A determined look captured her face as she stepped to the cart and grabbed a mug. Pauline set it on the table in front of Noiz, who was still pouting silently. Once she set the sugar down, small hands gripped the handle of the silver coffee pitcher. Just as Fritz’s feared, this prophecy was self-fulfilling. Her shaking hands slipped and poured scorching coffee not only in the mug, but all over the table as well as Noiz’s right hand. “AH! I’m so sorry, ah, god, I-“ Noiz looked down at his hand, and then her. He simply scowled. “Incompetent.” Aoba had reflexively stood up from his seat, cringing at the thought of the intense pain such a burn would cause. “...Clean it up, Fritz. We’re leaving.” Noiz spat out.

The panicking girl servant looked to him, stunned at the calm expression on his face. Fritz, despite his usual dapper manner, looked a tad concerned himself. “Right away, sir. Should I get a first aid kit?” Aoba’s eyes were still wide, nodding fiercely at that idea. _That had to hurt right? But he isn’t phased in the least!_ “…Nah.” The blonde’s cold voice muttered.

By now Janice had left the kitchen, the cook peeking out the door as well. She scowled at her coworkers, realizing what the sudden commotion was about. “You. Why did you let her pour the damn coffee? And you, you’ve ruined a fine table cloth!” She scolded them harshly, despite the fact that she was still quite a bit younger than Fritz. They both turned to each other, as if to say “It wasn’t me!!”

Her once angry face twisted into concern when she saw Noiz shaking the coffee from his hand. “Oh dear god, you idiots! Mister Noiz, are you alright? We should rinse this right away! I’ll grab a first aid kit.” Noiz pulled his hand away when she went to reach for it. “Tch.” Noiz rarely tended to his injuries. He found no point, they healed on their own. Such a fuss was unnecessary, he thought, until he saw the grave concern on Aoba’s face. He hadn’t noticed his reaction over the idiots in front of him. When Aoba met his gaze, his shoulder hunched instantly. Although, his eyes still had that pleading gleam in them.   Noiz cursed himself once again for letting the kid influence his decisions.

“Whatever. Hurry up. We’ve got plans.” Janice nodded, pleased with Noiz’s compliance. She gripped Noiz’s wrist tightly and dragged him into the kitchen. Aoba watched as Noiz begrudgingly left with Janice, the other two servants following suit after the table was cleared. Aoba was a little surprised at his own actions, honestly. He wondered if he was really concerned, or if it was the shock? And why didn’t Noiz have any sort of uncomfortable reaction? That coffee had to have been burning hot, he could see the redness of the skin, but Noiz didn’t act like he felt it at all. This made Aoba considerably more uneasy. Back then, too…Noiz looked so intent on saying something. Aoba felt nervous and confused, as well as a plethora of other mixed emotions. He slumped back into the booth, shoulders still hunched.

“All better!” Janice burst through the door once again, granting a head turn from Aoba. She pulled Noiz along, holding up a now bandaged hand. She gleamed, happy with her handiwork. “Pft.” Noiz yanked his hand away abruptly. Janice just smirked teasingly. “Alright, you two! Have fun! And don’t worry, Pauline has a whole world of hurt coming to her.” A certain fire returned to Janice’s eyes as she imagined the tons of chores she’d pile onto the girl.

Aoba’s gaze shot to Janice, exposing how scared he truly was. Her expression softened, a little worried herself. But, for whatever reason, this nervous child took to her. She wanted to reassure him in any way possible. Janice just walked over to him, smiling warmly. “It’ll be ok, let me fetch you a jacket. It’s still chilly this early in Spring.” Her whispering voice didn’t calm Aoba as much as he’d like. Yes, Janice had been wonderful, but Aoba was still harboring fears directed towards her. What really attached him to her was the striking personality resemblance to his Granny. That strong, ‘tough love’ sort of vibe. This was the closest he’d had to a friend in nearly a decade, so reservations aside, she was pleasant to be around.

**________________**

“You ready?” Noiz said to Aoba, who was putting on a pair of Noiz’s shoes. Aoba adjusted the warm fleece jacket that Janice had given to him and nodded sheepishly. Thankfully, Aoba’s shoe size wasn’t too much smaller than Noiz’s. The blonde nodded in return, a green jacket around his own shoulders now. Aoba eyed the bandaged hand as it turned the doorknob.

 They both stepped outside into the cool April air. Aoba inhaled sharply, a happy feeling filling him when he breathed the crisp, outside air. That nervousness in his gut still hadn’t subsided, though. Noiz opened the car door for Aoba, remembering how he’d placed the guy in here just a couple days ago. Aoba’s memory was still extremely fuzzy from that night, but something about the car unsettled him. It was as if his brain was trying to tell him something in a language he didn’t speak. Noiz got into the driver’s seat, turned the key, and pulled out of the driveway. He checked his coil for an address before speeding off.

**________________**

Aoba looked out the windshield, a large shopping district lay before him. There weren’t too many people out yet, considering that it was a weekday. The streets were lined with bright signs and colorful buildings. Restaurants, all sorts of shops, a park… “You want to grab something to eat when we’re done?” Aoba may have eaten, but Noiz just realized that he skipped a meal in the midst of chaos. Aoba looked at him, remembering that very fact. He nodded, feeling guilty. For some reason he felt as if this was his own fault, but that wasn’t really a surprise.

“Alright.” Noiz got out of the car, gesturing for Aoba to do the same.

Aoba followed suit, barely landing on his feet once he’d hopped out of the passenger side. Noiz let out a ‘Tch’ and shut the door behind him, pressing the lock button on his keyring. Soon enough the two blended in with the small crowd, walking leisurely. Noiz turned to Aoba, who was stumbling behind, eyes seemingly glued to the ground. He stopped, allowing the smaller of the two some time to catch up. Naturally, Aoba walked along assuming that Noiz left him behind. Gaze still downcast, the azure haired man walked right into Noiz’s chest. A squeaky yelp flew from his lips as he nearly fell backwards, save for Noiz’s reflexes. He’d gripped Aoba’s shoulders, steadying him instantly. Aoba didn’t dare look up to his master’s probably furious expression. The harshness of Noiz’s grasp had softened, a small sigh reaching Aoba’s ears.

“Watch where you’re going, alright?” Noiz uttered in a small voice. It was devoid of any anger at all.

Noiz was actually quite nervous about hurting Aoba. He knew how easy it would be to injure the kid, and that was the last thing he wanted. Again, Noiz felt like some sort of monster. He tried to control the anger that threatened to surface and let go of his shoulders completely.  “Hey, look at me.”

Aoba lifted his head cautiously, preparing for a harsh expression that just wasn’t there. His eyes widened slightly, catching a glimpse of worry that ghosted Noiz’s face. “What’s got you so freaked out?”

_Does he think I’m going to hurt him again? Even though we’re in public?_ It didn’t make sense to him. Then again, Aoba hadn’t done much that Noiz actually understood at all.

Aoba opened his lips to speak, a trembling feeling invading his body. “I haven’t been…out. In a long time.” It took Noiz a minute to get what he was saying. It wasn’t like he spoke horrible German or had much of an accent, for that matter. It was just Aoba’s usage of ‘out’, and that long pause. _Agoraphobia? Social Anxiety? Whatever. It doesn’t matter._ “…Sorry.” Noiz murmured to him, Aoba was unaware that it had more than one meaning.

Aoba’s eyes widened further, feeling a little dumbfounded by Noiz’s apology. The blonde considered something for a moment, swallowing his pride and silencing his ‘common sense’. Aoba’s eyes followed Noiz’s injured hand as it reached out to him. “Here. I don’t need you bumping into some stranger.” A small bit of teasing lining Noiz’s voice. Aoba froze, vastly confused. _What does he mean? Is this an order? I don’t know what he’s asking, I don’t know what he’s going to do. Was that taunting? I do-_ “I’m asking to hold your hand, chill out.” His voice was a little dismissive now, but his hand remained outstretched.

Aoba hesitated, taking this as an order, rather than a question. His shaking hand joined with Noiz’s, concerned about the burn just below the bandages. Noiz noticed the worried expression and groaned internally. Not only did the burn not inflict him with any pain, he couldn’t feel Aoba’s hand against his own. It was gross and annoying, but he wanted nothing more than to just fucking feel it. Feel anything. Even horrible pain. He wanted it. It took Noiz a good amount of self-control to tame the fierce frustration that bubbled in his chest this time.

Composure returning, Noiz gripped Aoba’s hand lightly. He looked ahead, seeing a strip of shoe & clothing stores. They weren’t high class, but he didn’t think the kid wanted business attire. Although…Noiz’s thoughts drifted to the image of Aoba in a finely tailored, fitted suit. Wait, What? _No. Nope. Definitely not purchasing a suit today._

They walked together, slowly at first for Aoba’s sake. They entered the store, a wide array of casual styles for sale. It made Aoba really uncomfortable when the employee measured his feet. He had an equally hard time actually choosing anything on his own accord. Noiz tried his best to be patient, but ultimately gave Aoba a few to choose from. This helped the process greatly, and he decided on A pair of blue converse, a pair of black loafers, and some horribly ugly rain boots that made Aoba smile just a little bit. That was actually the only reason Noiz bought the gaudy things. Mustard yellow, turquoise, and black? What kind of idiot designed these?

They went to a few other stores, Aoba still quite shy and nervous about the whole process. It made him feel strange to be fawned over by the retail employees. He half-expected for Noiz to shut them up. Masters didn’t take kindly to strangers commenting on their property. Aoba was very overwhelmed and seriously exhausted by the time they’d finished. So much sensory stimulation, interaction, and anxiety jam-packed into just a couple of hours. He also felt horribly guilty and confused. On the bright side, Aoba now had plenty of outfits. Noiz was holding 4 or 5 bags full of stuff, since he completely denied Aoba’s suggestion to help. Well, it wasn’t really a suggestion, more of a guilty look and something like grabby hands.

Something tinged in Noiz’s heart when he realized that Aoba was just a little more comfortable in front of him. He hope that it would last, trying not to imagine the terrified look that graced the man’s face far too often. Noiz’s hands were preoccupied now, so hand-holding wasn’t exactly doable. However, Aoba did stick by his side. Noiz wasn’t sure if it was because of the larger crowd or because he felt more inclined to be close to him. He tried to convince his intern-run brain that it was the latter.

They were on their way to a diner, now that both of them were hungry. Noiz halted when he realized Aoba wasn’t at his side anymore. He almost panicked, wondering if he’d run away. If someone kidnapped him. Before Noiz’s delusions intensified further, he caught a glimpse of what was most definitely Aoba’s hair. Turning completely, Noiz practically ran back down the street.

“Aoba! Aoba, what’re you-“ He paused upon seeing Aoba’s facial expression. He was standing in front of a pet shop, eyes glued to the display window. His face was nearly pressed against it, eyes watering. Noiz nearly dropped the bags. _Aoba was smiling. A real smile._

“...Ren.” His small voice wavered.

Noiz followed Aoba’s gaze, eyes landing on a black Pomeranian. It was lying in a cage, ears perked. Noiz felt a strange warmness in his chest. He didn’t care how much it cost, he didn’t care about anything. He’d buy the whole fucking store if it made Aoba smile like that again. As if on cue, Aoba’s watery hazel eyes grabbed Noiz’s brilliant green ones. Noiz stepped closer, not really conscious of it.

“Do you want to go inside?” Noiz’s voice was unexpectedly soft, as it even surprised himself. He’d accept the self-hatred later if it meant that he could have this moment now.

Aoba’s voice cracked in response. “Yes please.”

He nodded, somehow still managing to open the door for Aoba. They stepped inside, Aoba wiping his face frantically. Noiz sensed his unsureness and went ahead and talked to the owner himself. “Excuse me.” A tall, eccentric looking woman turned to him. “Yes, dear?” Noiz ignored the pet name, for Aoba’s sake. “We’d like to see about one of your animals.” She looked to Aoba, who was already watching the dog through the bars of the cage. Noiz nodded to her, confirming that Aoba was with him. “Right away!” The woman pulled a ring of keys from her pocket and walked over to Aoba. She smiled at him, unlocking the door swiftly.

“Ren!” The bluenette reached out, taking the small dog in his arms. The ball of fluff was a little heavy for him, so he sat on a bench in front of the cages. Aoba was in a complete daydream right now, if that was the word for it. This dog had most definitely posed a striking resemblance to his once-loved pet back home. He couldn’t factor in the actual probability of this being the same Ren, but it didn’t matter right now. Nothing mattered but holding his dearly missed friend.

The woman looked to Noiz, confused. He simply shrugged, feeling the same way. “How much is the dog?” She turned to him, obvious sympathy for Aoba on her face. “Our regular price would be $850…” She sighed wistfully. “…But since he’s so fond of him, I’ll give him to you for $800.” Pocket change.

Noiz set down a couple bags and fished for his wallet. “How much for delivery?” there was no way that the dog, all of the supplies, and the shopping bags would fit into his Ferrari. Besides, he wanted to have everything set up for Aoba. A surprise, he supposed. He just wanted Aoba to smile for him. “Hmmm…We don’t usually do that….but! No worries!” She looked to his wallet, which had cash and debit cards practically falling out. “I will personally deliver him, and any supplies you need.”

“Tomorrow morning?” Noiz was pushing it a little, but with one more look at his wallet, she soon agreed.

“Tomorrow it is.” She took the address when Noiz wrote it down for her, half of the payment, and a couple hundred for delivery.

“Don’t be late.” Noiz looked to her in his usual, _‘do not fuck with me’_ expression. She nodded frantically.

They both looked to Aoba, who was clutching the fluffy pup to his chest. Noiz didn’t want to separate the two, he’d gathered that this dog was probably associated with a memory from the past. He didn’t want to upset Aoba, but he supposed it was inevitable. He stepped over to him, the shop owner right behind.

“Aoba.” A soft voice again. Noiz didn’t like that woman hearing him speak that way, but Aoba responded to it better.

He lifted his head, realizing what was going to happen. “No…” Aoba held the dog to his chest, voice pleading. “Please don’t take him away again…” If Noiz really had a heart, that was voice was that would break it.

“No, it’s okay. I bought him for you.” Noiz tried to convince him, knowing it wouldn’t be easy. “He’ll be at home when you wake up tomorrow morning.” Aoba merely shook his head, still halfway in his daydream.

“I promise.” Noiz licked his lips. “How can I prove it to you?”

The owner chimed in, engrossed in the strange dynamic between the two. “I could give you the receipt and adoption papers now, if you’d like.” She smiled sweetly to Aoba.

Noiz looked to Aoba, realizing what a good idea that actually was. He could see the kid’s gears turning.

“You promise?” It helped to have a third party, especially since Noiz betrayed Aoba’s trust just the night before.

“Yes, Aoba. I promise.” Noiz sat on the bench with him, keeping a distance. The owner brought over the receipt, handing it to Aoba. The adoption papers went to Noiz, and he signed them, save for one line. “You want to sign his name?” His hand outstretched, holding up the clipboard.

“O-Ok.” He hadn’t written in a while, and he still had no idea how to write in German. Instead, he wrote “Ren” in Japanese characters. Noiz glanced at the writing, remembering that he needed to get him a German tutor. It was kind of cute, if you ignored the underlying sad meaning behind it. Aoba shouldn’t be in Germany at all.

The woman stamped the papers, marking them official. Very hesitantly, Aoba returned the puppy, not before pressing their foreheads together. He whispered a quick “I missed you,” and the puppy was locked into the cage once again. It whined a little, pawing at the bars. He had taken a shining to Aoba already. They both stood up, Aoba lightly touched cage before he turned back to Noiz. The blonde picked up the bags once again and nodded to the door.

“Thanks lady. Tomorrow. Don’t be late.” Noiz’s tone was still light, but anyone could detect the utter seriousness lying beneath.  Aoba nodded to her as she handed him the finalized papers. He clutched them to his chest, looking back at Ren one more time.

Once outside, Noiz could feel his stomach rumble. Before he could open his mouth to say something, Aoba spoke. _He spoke._

“T-Thank you.” The sound was hitched, since he was still unsure when it was appropriate to speak.

Noiz looked at Aoba like he had three heads. “You...Don’t mention it.” He tried to shrug it off, realizing what the look had done to his confidence. Aoba just nodded, lowering his head again. _Ugh. Not this again. Wait. Shit._ Noiz realized something. Not only had he not seriously apologized yet, he still hasn’t told the kid that it’s his fucking birthday.

“Aoba.” His voice was determined again, just like this morning. _This is my last fucking chance._

Aoba looked up, recognizing the tone of his voice. The fire in Noiz’s eyes didn’t seem to be anger…so what was it? Although nervous, Aoba couldn’t look away.

“I’m…,” _Don’t be a fucking pussy._ “I’m sorry. For yesterday. It’s just, I don’t know. I’ve got all this shit fucking with me and now it’s fucking with you too.” He sighed heavily, seriously glad to get this off of his chest. “I don’t want you to be scared of me, honestly it kind of pisses me off. But I guess I can’t blame you. I’ve said jack shit to you since you got here.” He leaned against the brick wall, looking back at the pet store. “I want you to know that I didn’t buy you to hurt you. I really don’t know why I did it.”

Aoba was listening fully now, although flinching when choice words were said. The way Noiz spat out his words, it was scary. But it didn’t seem…directed at him.

“I went there because I was bored.” A sharp breath. “But…when I saw you, it made me furious. And disgusted.” Before Aoba could freak out properly, Noiz continued. “…Not at you. At the place. At those weird fucking people. The way they treated you….” He was almost snarling by now. “That fucking announcer sounded bored out of his mind. Describing you like that. I wanted to vomit.”

“…I had to get you out of there. It was my immediate reaction.” He finally looked at Aoba again, who was rigid as a board. Noiz softened considerably. “I’ve been beating myself up for treating you nicely. Like I said, I’m kind of fucked.” He lowered his face to Aoba’s level.

“I guess I’m just trying to apologize.” A war was in full swing in Noiz’s brain, but he didn’t really care.

Aoba was completely taken aback by Noiz. There was so much for him to process, to deny, to be afraid of. He want to believe it, truly, but everything anyone said to Aoba was taken with a grain of salt. You couldn't unravel something so tightly bound this easily...it came with time, with effort. Aoba remembered this same softness the night before. It scared him. What if he left again? It’d be worse now…in public. He tried not to think about being abandoned, and instead focused on organizing his thoughts. “I…Noiz.”

_Oh my god he said my name._

Noiz’s eyes were smoldering, face still hovering over Aoba’s. “Yeah.”

“Thank you.” A nervous, sweet smile spread across Aoba’s face, eliciting a reaction from Noiz instantly.

“Don’t mention it.” He smiled back, a real smile, or as much of one that he could manage.

“Oh, and Aoba?”

“…Um, yes?”

“Happy Birthday.”

 

 


	5. Not Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst, a bar fight, ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. this took way too long and im so sorry for that! i've been really busy with school and life in general.  
> i wanted to have this finished by my birthday (the 12th), but here it is now i guess!! i'm not too sure about this chapter, but i hope you guys like it. i have a few ideas about what direction to take this story in, but if you have any ideas leave me a comment!
> 
> theres a lot of angst in this one, eesh. but things will get better! 
> 
> as always, thank you for all of the feedback and please ignore any of my tech mistakes ;_;
> 
> edit 10/21: updates are sporadic but im planning on making an update schedule for an update like every-other sunday!

 

_“We’re losing him.” What? What’s going on?_

_“Right. Toue isn’t finished yet. Resuscitation kit, here.” Stop...No, I don’t want this. I don’t want this. Please don’t cut me open anymore. It hurts. It hurts. IthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurts thurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthur-_

_“Aoba.”_

_Koujaku? Granny? No…_

_“Destroy them. Destroy them, Aoba.”_

_Who are you?_

_“Vital signs dropping. Charge it.” Shuffling…a static sound…this is…_

_“Clear!”_

Aoba’s eyes snapped open, body flying forward on the now-soaked mattress. His chest heaved, breaths coming out ragged. His hazel eyes darted about as he slowly drifted back to reality. He was in his new bed, and from the looks of it he’d made a mess for Janice. Aoba bunched his knees to his chest and sighed, still a little shaky from that nightmare. A grimace spread across his face when he realized how sticky his skin was. He touched the spot right below his left eye and pulled it away, noticing the familiar wetness of tears staining his hand.

It’s been such a long time since he’d had a dream about the stay with Toue. It was a memory that tended to stick in the back of his brain, only making an appearance once in a while. Along with that voice. That voice inside his head that wasn’t his own. Over the years, it had gotten stronger little by little, and he could only guess that it was the voice Toue was talking about. Due to the lack of healthy emotional relationships and outstanding amount of dehumanization, Aoba had a pronounced lack of self-awareness. He’d lost all of the important years, school dances, partying, and friends. Aoba really had no idea who he was, if anyone at all. That’s why these dreams unsettled him so much. It was a reminder that he still had no solid idea of why he’d been targeted by Toue.

Aoba subconsciously rubbed the wrist from which wires and tubes once protruded from. Yeah, this decade of nonstop rape and battery was absolutely debilitating, but nothing hurt as deeply as the time he spent away from his family. He was so close to Tae-san, to everyone, but still so damn far. Platinum Jail felt like a different country all together. Everything about it was different to the Midorijima that he knew.

Aoba was snapped from his reverie by a peeking head at the door. He looked over, a bit jittery still.

“Good morning Aoba! We thought you’d never wake up.” It was Janice, with her usual smiling face there to greet him. Aoba nodded to her, feeling a little self-conscious about the sweat and tears that drenched his pajamas. He seriously hoped she wouldn’t ask about it. Janice was great, but loud. And persistent.

“I’ve got a surprise for you…Well, from Mr.Noiz, that is.” Before he could even question her, a small lump of black fluff leapt from Janice’s arms and ran to Aoba’s bedside.

A loud gasp escaped Aoba’s lips and all of his previous nervousness seemed to melt away. Noiz wasn’t lying. Ren was here, he was here! He smiled widely, ignoring how the unfamiliar gesture hurt his face a little. He bent over and lifted the pup from the floor and onto his lap. He wasted no time and cuddled the small body to his own. That nostalgic soft feeling invaded his senses and he felt like the luckiest person in the world. He almost forgot that Janice was still at the door.

“I-I…He…Ren...” Aoba’s voice cracked softly, granting a warm smile from Janice. She stepped into the room, opened the curtains, and decided to rummage through the clothing hutch.

“Ah, you look so happy. Y’know, I’m glad he did something right for once!” She teased, pulling out one of the outfits that Noiz had bought him the day before. She turned and looked Aoba up and down before sucking her teeth. “Alright, let me run some bath water before we get breakfast started. The puppy’s bowl and such are downstairs as well.”

Aoba nodded, growing more and more uncomfortable in his clothes by the minute. He absentmindedly stroked Ren’s onyx fur. Noiz really came through. “H-Hey…” He cleared his throat, granting a turn-around from the maid. “Where is he? I mean…I need to thank him…”

“Oh! Mister Noiz is at work already, dear. He leaves at 6 almost every morning.” She watched as Aoba’s expression dropped a little. “But, you know, he’ll be home later. He’s a bit of a workaholic, mind you.” She reassured, stepping closer to Him. “…Don’t tell him this, but with all this free time we’ve got here, sometimes we throw little parties.” She giggled. “He’s just got so much alcohol you know? Vodka, Sangria, Whiskey, Wine….The works!”

She felt relieved when Aoba’s expression perked up once again. He nodded to her, finding a little enjoyment from her bubbly confession. Aoba figured that Noiz would flip his shit if he knew that.

 -

Aoba stepped from the bath, a little wobbly on his feet still. He’d been regaining balance bit by bit, and with all of these huge meals he’d be at a healthy weight in no time. He dried carefully and dressed, haphazardly buttoning his shirt before stepping into the hallway. Ren jumped from his place outside the door and they walked down the stairs together. He’d only fumbled a couple times, and he couldn’t help but to be a little proud of himself. Janice met him at the bottom and guided him to the breakfast nook.

“Alright, for today’s breakfast we’ll be having French toast and some fresh fruit. Do you know if you like that?” Janice had picked up on Aoba’s lack of food knowledge and made a point to expose him to as many new meals as possible.

Aoba shook his head, not actually knowing what French toast was. He was a little embarrassed about it but mostly excited to try new things. Each meal he’d had with Noiz or his staff was always piping hot and properly seasoned. That cook really knew what he was doing, and Aoba had gotten to the point where he was no longer scarfing things down. He instead took the time to enjoy his meals like they weren’t his last.

His face lit up when the plate was set in from of him, the strong aroma of cinnamon-sugar assaulting his senses. The blackberries looked so good, too. He watched as Janice, Pauline, and Fritz decided to join him for a little breakfast of their own. He watched as they dug in, looking almost as elated as Aoba did. He picked up his fork and carefully cut a corner of the doughy goodness, popping a piece into his mouth.

His eyes lit up instantly, to the amusement of his new friends. “MMthiis is pweetty good.” Aoba blurted out, mouth full. He couldn’t help it. Everyone around him seemed to have the same reaction to the cook’s culinary excellence.

“Wow, this is great!” Pauline spoke up from across the table. “We almost never get to try his cooking, since Mister Noiz leaves for work so early. It’s because of you, Aoba!” She said in a sweet singsong voice. Aoba couldn’t help but blush a little. _Because of me?_ “Indeed. Harry’s cooking is delicious.” Fritz piped in, nodding thoughtfully with another bite. Janice only nodded in response, as she was busy stuffing her face.

“Hey!!! Get your own!” Pauline swatted Janice’s hand, which was currently trying to stab a piece of French toast from her plate. Aoba watched as they teasingly bickered with one another. It was so foreign for him, so see such casual playfulness. Humans just being silly with each other. A bittersweet feeling tugged at his heart. It was so great to be with them, to see this. But he knew that he’d never have this with his own family. He couldn’t go back in time. Aoba looked to his side where Ren was currently begging at his feet. Ren… That’s right. It will be okay. He’s got Ren.

Aoba’s heart was just aching for this to be real. It hurt so badly. He was so scared that this was some fabricated illusion. Yesterday, Noiz made a promise and kept it. He had barely touched him at all. Aoba wondered, though, when the curtain would come down. When Janice and the others would fade away. When Noiz would turn on him and hurt him.

When he would betray the horrifying little piece of trust that Aoba put into him already.

What else could he do? What else could he do besides run with it? Day by day, savor this wonderful illusion.

Breakfast went by fast, and before he knew it, the sun had begun to set.

 

**_Noiz_ **

Noiz was more than grateful for the mound of work that had piled onto his desk due to his irregular absences. This job gave Noiz time to level, to feel more like himself, and to try and make sense of the situation with Aoba.

“Mr. Noiz?” Hana knocked on his office door, before cracking it open slowly. She had cup of Starbucks in hand.

“Come in, thanks.” Noiz pulled off his reading glasses and watched as the short woman tiptoed in. She gave him that signature warm smile of hers and sat the cup on his desk.

“So…I know I shouldn’t pry, but I’ll be honest with you. I’m a little curious, since you’ve never taken a day off since I met you. Not even holidays.” That worried mom expression she wore irked Noiz a little. Yeah, Noiz was young, but he looked and acted like a 35 year old businessman. It was a little disheartening actually. Hanna often wondered if Noiz really had any friends.

“Yeah, what of it?” Although a little annoyed by her nosiness, that flat voice of his never rose nor faltered.

“Um, well, no, you don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy you took a break for once.” She nudged her beige heels into the carpet nervously.

He squinted at her, clearly trying to decipher what she’d just said. He was a little inclined to humor her, honestly, but no way in hell was he going to tell her about the supposed sex slave he’d bought and took on some sort of awkward shopping date. Nope.

“…Thanks.” Cold. Bored. Impassive.

She nodded, clearly feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. She was under the impression that despite Noiz’s gruff exterior, they’d gotten along quite well. She actually expected him to indulge her with the details, but she was just his assistant. Hana shifted her weight to walk away, but stopped abruptly.

“What happened to your hand?”

Ah. The burn from yesterday. Janice insisted on cleaning the dressings before he left, and with Aoba in mind, he agreed. Noiz covered his hand with the other and felt strangely flushed when remembering Aoba’s genuine concern for him. He’d gotten that shock and pity before, but from that brat it was different. Ugh.

“It’s nothing, just a burn.” He brushed off her question, hoping she’d high-tail it after that.

Her curiosity perked a little bit at the change in his demeanor.

“Hm, well, keep it clean alright?” Noiz just nodded at her, seemingly done with this little conversation. Hanna left right after that, spouting something about lunch with the others. Noiz settled for his coffee and continued to work in silence. He wondered about Aoba’s reaction to Ren, since he wasn’t there for it. He almost felt a little worried that the woman hadn’t delivered the dog after all.

Aoba would be crushed.

Noiz looked down to his coil and pulled up the number for the pet shop. He sighed, annoyed with his clear overreaction but pressed call anyway.

“Yes, hello, this is __________ pet shop?”

“Uh. Yeah.” He recognized that voice immediately. “You delivered it, right?”

A short silence, most likely the woman was piecing her thoughts together.

“Oh! Yes sir, I did. A woman with red hair signed for you, is that right?”

He sighed to himself, strangely relieved. That was Janice.  “Yeah, thanks.”

Noiz hung up before she got another word in.

 

The rest of the day went by like a blur for Noiz. He worked his ass off, finally finishing the last of his paperwork and client appointments. He looked out the rather large picture window of his office. The skyline was lit up against the deep darkness that hung against the city. Down below, people were lively and most likely getting ready for the weekend. Noiz figured he’d have to work Friday as well as Saturday to get back up to par work-wise. He mentally rolled his eyes at the thought of his Father scolding him for it.

Noiz drifted out of his reverie, and in honor of his return to normalcy, decided on dropping by his usual tavern.

The familiar scent of alcohol and billiard chalk wafted around Noiz when he took a seat on a leather barstool. The place wasn’t too busy, thankfully. The bartender immediately recognized him and walked over. She picked out a bottle instantly, pouring the amber liquid into a glass with a smirk tugging at her ruby red lips.

“Where’ve you been, cutie?” She teased lightly, placing his scotch in front of him.

He grunted, shrugging off her question. He’d fucked around with her a few times and she’d been insistent on friendly interaction ever since. It was kind of annoying.

Seemingly unsatisfied with that answer, the woman furrowed her brow and tended to another customer instead of probing any further.

Noiz downed his drink way faster than was probably necessary. The liquid fire soothed him quickly and he’d flagged the bartender down for multiple refills. He’d missed this. Normally, Noiz hated to be out of control of his working senses. Being inebriated, however, made him feel a false sense of warmth and satisfaction. _I’ll sleep better this way,_ he thought.

Noiz eventually obliged the woman-whose nametag spelled “Maria” in loopy handwriting, in some shallow conversation. He was absolutely hammered at this point.

“-Yeah…I make a shit ton, you know? But I’m not about fucking flaunting that shit. My house is nice though.” He slurred in a low tone.

She giggled back, clearly enjoying his stupor. Bartenders were supposed to cut you off after a certain amount of drinks, but let’s face it, this was Germany and Noiz was an entertaining drunk.

“Hmmm, care to give me a tour sometime?” She half-laughed, half-flirted with him.

Before Noiz could conjure up something smooth to say, a shoulder brushed roughly against his back. Noiz turned in his seat, preparing to tell off this motherfucker. His gaze shot up and met those of a tall, angry-looking brute. He was too fucked up to regret his next actions.

“Hey, humpty-dumpty. Watch where you’re walking.” He sneered, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. The man instantly fumed, a low growl in his throat.

“Excuse me, punk? You might want to retract your statement.”

“Heh. You might want to wipe that constipated look off _your_ face.”

That was it. Before he knew it, Noiz’s shoulder had been grabbed and his right cheek was painted red with blood. The man tightened his grip and retracted his ring-adorned fist.

“You ready to apologize now, kid?” The guy smirked, expecting him to back down after that.

Noiz only smiled wider, a certain light striking through his eyes. He spat at him, the blood-salvia mixture landing on the guy’s shirt. That fist aimed at his jaw this time, but never reached its destination. Noiz gripped the man’s wrist, nearly breaking it with the force of years of pent-up anger.

“Fuck! Let go of me!” Noiz couldn’t hear him, or the chants and cries of the other patrons. He was gonna fuck this guy up, and enjoy it every drunken second of it. Noiz stood, freeing his wrist to instead grip his shoulders and knee him in the stomach. Everyone around roared and Noiz stood over the guy as he fell to his knees.

“Shit! You fucking psyc-MMPH!” His voice was cut off by Noiz’s patent leather shoes colliding with his jaw. He screamed, falling to his side. “F-Fuck…You little shit…” He heaved, pulling himself up to try and get another punch in. It was pretty amusing, a smallish business man beating the fuck out of some ex-convict.

Noiz pummeled him for a couple minutes, efficiently breaking his nose and earning a few nicks and tears of his own in the process. He was on a complete adrenaline high. He couldn’t think of the consequences, of his father, of Aoba. He went to jab the guy another time but was stopped by a sharp voice right behind him.

“Noiz. I’m going to call the police if you don’t get the fuck out of my bar.” The sharp voice of Maria, the bartender, warned him. Gaining a bit more sense, Noiz landed a finishing punch to his face and nodded.

“Yeah. Sorry.” He couldn’t say he meant it, though.

 

 

**_Aoba_ **

Waiting for Noiz was starting to seem fruitless. Aoba was laying on the soft, plush couch that sat in the living room adjoined to the foyer. Janice had tried to convince him to go to bed numerous times to no avail. Aoba was nervous, but very intent on catching Noiz to thank him. Ren laid in Aoba’s lap, snoring lightly.

He smiled and stroked the dark fur of his beloved friend. It was so relaxing to have Ren here with him. After they’d left the pet store, Noiz took Aoba out to eat as aforementioned. Aoba barely ate anything, since he was still digesting the mountain of jumbled and confusing words that Noiz had thrown at him only minutes before. He thought about Ren too, and if he was actually going to see him again. That, and the awkward, jittery, nervousness that came with sitting down to a restaurant for the first time in years. Noiz, as usual, ended up making the decisions for Aoba and ordered for him. After they’d gotten home, Aoba regained his sense of rationality. He faced the reality that this pup wasn’t the one he’d known all of those years ago. He tried not to think about the very plausible theory that the real Ren had already died. He would have been about 15 years old…

That was another perk of living in this manor. Aoba actually new the time and date, and could check whenever he liked. It took some of that horrible sense of captivity away. He clutched the pup to his chest and sighed deeply into his soft fur. Aoba had to admit something to himself, though. Part of him was only staying up this late for Noiz because he felt obligated to. He feared that any sign of ungratefulness would land him in some sort of punishment. Yes, he was truly grateful for this new element of comfort, but his heart still felt heavy throughout each hopeful and sweet emotion that engulfed him.

Time ticked on, and eventually Aoba had begun to doze off on the loveseat. He wasn’t one to let his guard down and take catnaps so carelessly, but it was nearing 3 AM now. He sighed softly in his sleep, fingers subconsciously stroking at Ren’s ear.

“Wuff!”

Aoba’s eyes snapped open and he jolted forward. Ren had barked directly in his ear, alarming Aoba of the front door opening. He stiffened in his seat, shushing the puppy’s voice. His hazel eyes widened as they met those familiar, striking green ones. It was Noiz, and despite the looming darkness of the foyer, he didn’t look alright.

He watched as Noiz regarded his presence and quickly turned to jog upstairs. Aoba nearly tripped on his face trying to step after him.

“M-Master! Er…Noiz…” He whispered hurriedly, mentally kicking himself for being so forward. Noiz had voiced his hatred of the title ‘master’ yesterday.

The taller figure turned, seemingly accepting his defeat. Noiz’s eyes flickered to Aoba’s and back to the floor.

“Why are you still awake?” He said in a slurred, but soft tone. Noiz noted the presence of Ren right by their feet.

Aoba’s face flushed. “Err..” He bowed sharply, tugging his eyes closed. “I’m sorry! I wanted to thank you…but Janice said you wouldn’t be home until late.” He shook, biting at his already chewed bottom lip. His head rose slowly when he heard a deep sigh escape Noiz’s lips.

“Please don’t be upset with her…She wanted me to sleep, it’s my fault…” He slowly opened his eyes again, widening instantly at the state of Noiz’s shirt. Was that…blood? Not to mention the pungent scent of alcohol wafting from his dishelmed form.

“Tch. No, it’s fine.” He wiped at his face again, annoyed at the blood still leaking from his cheek. This, of course, granted a horrified look from Aoba.

“I-I…” Aoba stuttered, stepping backwards. Blood and alcohol brought back far too many unpleasant memories.

As if on cue, Noiz spoke up. “I got in a fight with some dick at the bar, don’t worry about it.” Aoba didn’t seem comforted by this, so he continued. “I didn’t hurt him too bad, it’s okay. I’m a little drunk, that’s all. S’why I’m bleeding so fucking much.” He growled at streams of red liquid practically pouring from his face.

Aoba stood, frozen. They both stood there, looking at each other, both feeling vulnerable in their own ways. The color of Aoba’s face slowly returned, and he seemed to have a better grip on his emotions.

“Doesn’t it…hurt?” Aoba recalled the coffee incident the other day, and noted the now-bloody gauze still stuck to Noiz’s hand.

“You…” Noiz’s mouth tightened into a thin line. He looked the floor for a minute, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable physically, and emotionally. Aoba seemed to pick up on this and nearly had a mini-panic attack.

“N-No! You don’t have to tell me, I’m sorr-“ He was cut off swiftly when sharp eyes bore into his own.

“No. Don’t apologize. It doesn’t.”

“…W-What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t hurt. You can hit me, stab me, scratch me. No matter what, it doesn’t hurt.”

That familiar reaction. Shock, understanding, and ultimately pity. He’d gotten this from everyone he told. He expected it from Aoba, too.

He was wrong.

“You’re lucky.” A small, sad voice slipped out.

“….What?” Noiz would’ve been furious if it were coming from anyone else.

“A-Ah, nothing, I’m sorry.” He looked down, resisting the urge to bite a hole in his lip.

That’s when it hit him. For once, despite his inebriation, something actually got through Noiz’s thick skull. He remembered the night of the auction, what they’d said about him. What he’d inferred about Aoba’s behavior.

Aoba has been in near constant pain for most of his life.

As much as Noiz wanted to hurt, to feel, to cry in agony, he couldn’t say he really envied Aoba. Being passed around and repeatedly abused/manipulated wasn’t anything to envy. To Aoba, being here, with him, was just another one of those passes. The very thought made Noiz’s blood boil.

“I’m sorry, Aoba.” He half-whispered.

Aoba’s head snapped up.

“…I can’t say I’m all that lucky, though.” He fidgeted with his shirt hem. “I can’t feel much of anything, pain included.”

After that moment, a deep sense of understanding was wordlessly exchanged. Their situations were so different, but at the same time, held quite a few parallels. Aoba convinced Noiz to clean up and tend to his wounds, and they both retired to their respective rooms for the night.

This conversation, however, wasn’t over by a longshot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got a tumblr btw! peccie.tumblr.com


	6. Porcelain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooo it's been a month i'm so sorry   
> i now have a beta reader though to fix my mistakes! yay
> 
> idk what i'm doing anymore this is a little filler-y minichapter but theres some plot down the road!  
> sundays are officially my update days save for some rare exceptions! thank u guys ily all <3

 

The following weeks under Noiz’s care left Aoba feeling more conflicted than ever. Not only had things sunk into some sort of routine, Noiz kept yet another promise by hiring an in-home German tutor. He would slip off to work each weekday before the sun came up, leaving Aoba to his own devices save for tutoring days. It gave him far too much time to think about this situation-more than he’d ever gotten. Being a slave never left room for independence or self-discovery.

The staff remained as kind as ever, of course. He ate meals with them and enjoyed a bit of small talk during each one. However, these situations always left Aoba with a sense of isolation. He felt like a spectator during each conversation, unable to blend in with the discussions as seamlessly as the others.  Actually, these short few weeks had opened more windows in his mind than his entire adulthood thus far. Slowly but surely, memories and once forgotten emotions bubbled to the surface, leaving him without any way to cope on his own.

He still had his hysteric moments alone, but for different reasons now.

That voice, the one that got louder each day and invaded his dreams, it wouldn’t let him be. It was as if each thought Aoba had was countered by another from that voice. Finding distractions wasn’t too difficult though. He spent his days with Ren, sometimes opting to train him, other times studying or reading as suggested by the tutor. Harry, the chef, offered to teach Aoba a few things around the kitchen, and he used that offer as another distraction. There were times where Aoba proved an excellent baker, but seemed to have trouble with entrées and subsequently charred the oven. Harry was quick to reassure him, but Aoba never tried again after that.

As each week drew to a close, Noiz spent the weekend working from home. Despite his inner turmoil threatening any sort of closeness between the two, he left the option open if Aoba wanted time with him. Of course things were still quite tense, since Aoba was still very early in any sort of recovery. Noiz tried his best to be accommodating and settled on only engaging in conversation if Aoba was comfortable with it. The only other time they ended up interacting were the nights when Aoba couldn’t sleep. He opted for resting in the living room on these nights, making it likely to see Noiz come home from work. This just so happened to be one of those

“I...really wish you wouldn’t drive drunk.” Aoba squeaked quietly. He took a sip of his tea before gazing hesitantly at Noiz.

“Yeah…” Noiz rubbed at the back of his neck. Aoba, thankfully, had mustered up the courage to speak freely on occasion. Each time was something he was very serious about though, quaking voice or not. Noiz didn’t return Aoba’s gaze, but rather stared into his own mug of tea blankly. He didn’t expect for Aoba to be up this late. Despite the slow progress he and Aoba were making, tensions at work and with his family were at an all-time high. His little incident at the tavern a few weeks back managed to gather some negative press around his father’s company, thus putting his job in danger. Even still, he found a new bar and drank away his new issues a few nights a week.

Even though Noiz was feeling like a kicked puppy, he now knew better than to leave Aoba’s outspokenness unrequited. He lifted his head up to see the twisted expression of worry and anxiety that Aoba wore so often. Another kick to his side, that’s for sure.

“I didn’t know you’d be up.” He sat up straight in the booth seat, trying to reign in his drowsiness. “Don’t look like that. S’fine.”

Aoba, still looking less-than-convinced, let out a small sigh and stiffened his expression. Now that he knew about Noiz’s inability to feel pain, not only did his mind conceive a few dozen fears surrounding it, he somehow found himself a bit worried. His thoughts were conflicted and jumbled as per usual.

“So, how’s the tutoring going?” Noiz spoke up suddenly, trying to diminish the think blanket of tension that was forming in the air between them.

Aoba thought for a few moments, recalling the past couple of lessons with his tutor. They’d gone surprisingly well, and he was slowlylearning to read and write in German. His tutor also suggested widening Aoba’s limited vocabulary, which he agreed to easily. It seemed as though Noiz succeeded in lightening the mood because Aoba now had a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Es geht güt. Ich lerne eine menge. Ich kann meinen namen jetzt schreïben.” Aoba said quite timidly; a bit of pride filtered through his nervousness.

Noiz perked up at this information, relieved that he’d averted Aoba’s attention elsewhere. It was also a relief that Noiz’s drunken stupor was finally settling down. He matched Aoba’s gaze, his eyes giving away far more emotion than his face would ever admit.

“Show me.” He half-whispered, trying not to ruin the moment.

Aoba was a bit surprised, but nodded in agreement. He was a little nervous now; the thought of disappointing Noiz scared him more than he’d like to admit.  Aoba stood slowly, crossing from the breakfast nook over to the living room. He walked over to the couch, leaning over to fetch his German notes. He barely had a grasp on his papers before a gasp escaped his lips and his body was thrown into a hunch.

An intense pain wracked through Aoba’s brain. He clutched his temples harshly, eliciting even more pain from his sensitive locks this time. A low throbbing beat in his consciousness relentlessly until he was thoroughly disoriented. It’d been a long time since this happened.

His whimpering must’ve caught the attention of Noiz because soon enough a body was crouched next to his own. That familiar voice felt far away and somehow sounded muffled against the drum beat tearing way at his head.

“Aoba!” One particularly shrill croak of his name only served to worsen the pain.

And then another, far less welcoming voice tugged at his senses.

_Why haven’t you destroyed him yet?_

Leave me alone!

                                             _Look what he’s done to you._

He’s done nothing!

_Look what they’ve all done, Aoba._

They…stop. Stop it. No. Stop. Who are you?!

_You need to destroy him._

No. No I won’t. Stop it.

_Destroy him._

I won’t.

_Destroy him, so you can destroy all of them._

Stop it! Stop it……Stop it. Stop. I…

_Destroy him, or I will._

Please don’t. Please. Please. Plea-

 

“-oba! Aoba? Fuck. Answer me!”

 

_  Do it._

 

A sharp intake of breath brought Aoba back to reality, his chest heaving erratically. The pain in his head was still dully aching, the pounding still lingering against his skull.

He was on the living room floor, drenched in sweat and flushed red. Noiz hovered above him, vast confusion and worry twisted his usually stoic expression. Aoba wanted to scream. He wanted to hide, to get away. Noiz would surely stop treating him nicely afte- “Are you crying?”

A soft voice graced Aoba’s ears, unlike any he’d known for all these years. Noiz. It was Noiz.

“I…” Aoba’s voice cracked roughly, cringing at the realization that yes, he was crying. Noiz hated that.

Oh no.

He sat up immediately, nearly giving himself vertigo in the process. He wiped eyes violently, praying that he would never shed a tear in front of Noiz again. Aoba was in a very vulnerable state- insecurity, fear, and paranoia attacked his body from all sides. He planned on wiping at his now dry face until it burned, but a set of scarred hands felt otherwise.

“It’s alright to cry.” Noiz clasped Aoba’s hands as lightly as he could, still fearing that he may crush the small man below him. He was horrible at this. He didn’t know what he felt for Aoba, hell, he didn’t really know what feeling for another was supposed to be like. Noiz just hoped he was doing it right. Just this one thing, he wanted to do right.

A couple small whimpers escaped Aoba’s chapped lips, and any reservations Noiz had left disintegrated.

Noiz replaced Aoba’s scratching hands with a chaste kiss, the foreign action shocking the both of them.

Aoba’s raw skin was warm beneath Noiz’s lips. His own breathing became a bit erratic once he pulled away, avoiding direct eye contact. He couldn’t feel the skin like he wanted to, but the temperature alone was enough to make Noiz’s stomach flip-flop.

Aoba looked up at Noiz, touching the cheek that he had just placed his lips on. Like usual, he was conflicted. One thing was for sure, though. That gentleness was the very thing that terrified Aoba, but made him melt at the very same time. A little dumbstruck, the bluenette bored his weepy hazel eyes into Noiz’s. This touch hadn’t disgusted him.

Noiz wanted to say a million things- most of them being insecure questions and apologies. Once locked with Aoba’s wide-eyed stare, he could say nothing. He only scanned those expressive gems for any sign of fear or anger, whereas Aoba was doing the same. The smaller of the two was searching for any malicious intent or ridicule, which he couldn’t find no matter how hard he looked. Noiz’s eyes always held a degree of sharpness and guardedness to them, but now he could practically see the cracks in the porcelain.

Aoba never had any in the first place.

His thoughts darted back to the voice, to what it had said-or rather, ordered him to do.

_Destroy him._

He couldn’t. He didn’t weeks ago when he had the chance, and he wouldn’t do it now.

He was scared of what the voice might do, though. He didn’t know where it came from, who it was, or what it knew. He was scared of himself, now.

“Aoba…”

The bluenette snapped from his reverie, looking back up to Noiz.

“What happened?”

Noiz helped Aoba up after a quick dismissal of the attack as just a bad migraine. After a fresh pot of tea and some painkillers, Aoba went on to show Noiz what he had learned with the tutor. After that, Aoba shrunk back into his mostly-silent state of self.

He found himself deeply worried about the voice-especially after that kiss. What if the voice actually took over? Hurt Noiz? Or even Janet and the others? …..Or Ren? Would it manipulate Noiz?

_Am I crazy?_

It became Aoba’s mantra after that. Had all of this suffering broke his sanity? Was he a freak? Is that why Toue captured him?

All of this was deeply disturbing to Aoba.

His nightmares seemed to agree.

-

**_Noiz_ **

Noiz sat on the edge of his bed, mulling over everything that had just happened.

Not only was his job in danger-therefore his entire life-his family resented him even more, and now, this situation with Aoba.

He tried not to linger on that one small kiss- something normally so juvenile being so profound didn’t sit well with Noiz’s rational side.

He’d kissed a ton of people- men & women, both. It had never meant anything.

If he really, truly, had some sort of attachment to Aoba, it wasn’t a good thing. Noiz felt as if he was bad for Aoba-probably the most rational thought he’d had in a while. Aoba didn’t need this. He needed to heal.

He was selfish.

Aoba was in pain, something was happening, and he had taken advantage of it. At least, that’s what it felt like. He was keeping Aoba here. Aoba never consented to this.

Noiz was terrified of doing to Aoba what had been done to him.

 

 

 


	7. Package Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends this chapter is going to be spread 3 ways otherwise it would be way too long and awkward!  
> here is the first part a big thanks to kat (barackabama.tumblr.com) for editing and being my beta reader!  
> also thank u guys for being patient w/ my flaky self

_This is it._

“…The only solution.”

The sound of keys clicking resonated throughout a dark corporate office; which, of course, belonged to Noiz. He’d been particularly distressed lately- partly due to the unknown status of his future employment. His worries were quite imbalanced though, considering that his job only occupied ¼ of his brain as of late. The majority was occupied by, well…

“…Aoba. Yeah. Pack his things.”

With his laptop closed, Noiz scowled at the screen of his coil. There was chaos brewing on the other end of the line- Pauline’s alarm and Janice’s justifiable, confused anger clearly expressed through the device.

Noiz wasn’t doing so hot either. However, these emotions remained internal, because he felt as if he was doing the right thing. He took a deep breath and finished the call, the entire staff thoroughly upset now.

He didn’t care.

He kept fucking things up.

Aoba had to get away from him.

 

**_Aoba_ **

Aoba was woken from another night of bad dreams, only to realize that the nightmares hadn’t ended yet. He was shaken from sleep by Janice, who looked uncharacteristically flushed and teary eyed.

“Ms. Janice?” Aoba rasped out.

She gave him a forlorn look, opened her mouth, and her voice stuck in her throat for a moment. She didn’t want to do this. Noiz, he was being irrational again. She needed this job, it wasn’t her place. That’s what she told herself

“Please get cleaned up and dressed. We have to hurry.”

Hurry? Aoba shook his head, confused.

He sat up completely, shock hitting him when he saw Pauline gathering all of his things into a suitcare save for one outfit.

"What-What’s happening?” His voice rose several octaves.

Pauline and Janice looked grim as they tried to muster the courage to tell him.

“Aoba….” Janice whispered solemnly.

She lowered her head, unable to break this to Aoba. She thought of when he first came home- shaking in her arms each day. What would happen when Aoba knew? She knew enough to say that nothing good would come of it.

“Why are you packing those things?” He was getting more and more alarmed and began to shake.

Takeing a deep breath, Janice nodded to Pauline, and she spoke up again with a stronger voice.

“You’re leaving.”

Each minute went by incredibly slow for Aoba as all of his things were packed and placed in the car. He dressed slowly, ate slowly, and waltzed out the front door of the manor forthe last time. It hadn’t fully hit him yet, but a peiricing feeling sunk into his nerves on the long drive out. He didn’t queasion where he was going, and not even why- because he figured it was his own insolence. He only questioned himself for truly believing that this would work out.

He couldn’t think about the pity and worry that had plagued the faces of the staff before he left.

His driver's name was Fritz. He hadn’t taken the time to notice.

Time eventually sped up to normal, and Aoba began to get a grip of the situation. He was in the backseat of one of Noiz’s cars. There was light rain pattering on the windsheild, blurring Aoba's view to the outside world.

 He felt trapped. Trapped in more ways than one. Inside this vehicle, being transported who knows where, again. He could never be free. Never.

_Why didn’t you destroy him when you had the chance?_

_Destroy._

_Destroy,  Aoba._

Again- that voice. His head throbbed, but unlike the usual, there was no intense pain to go along with it. He was hurt, but unsurprised. Aoba knew he was worthless. He only had himself to blame. That’s why, even still, he would never hurt Noiz.

No. I can’t now anyways, will you go away now?

He pressed his head against the cold window, trying to look beyond the raindrops.

_Will you ever stand up for yourself? It’s pitiable._

Why would I?

_They treat you like dirt._

‘They’ ?

_All of them. Those sick piece of shit twins. The one with the bird.  Like them._

_Why don’t you destroy them?_

He didn’t even have to think about the answer.

I deserved it.

_Did you really?_

I-

_Think about it._

_What did you do to deserve any of it?_

_What did you do?_

_Aoba._

Stop…just stop it.

_They deserve it._

_**To be destroyed.**_

Who are you?

_I’m still surprised that you haven’t figured this out yet._

Please…

_Think about it. You remember being in the hospital._

But I don’t know why!

_Should I remind you?_

What does that-

“Aoba, we’re here now.”

_Aooooooooba._

“Y-Yes, I’m sorry, I’ll be out.” Aoba took a deep breath, clinging on the handle of the backdseat door. 

You have to leave…please. I don’t want to destroy anything.

_I’ll show you soon._

He applied pressure on the handle, opening the door with a little push. He stood carefully, suddenly hit with a bitter cold.

It finally occurred to him that he didn’t know where he was going.

Fritz grabbed the suitace from the back and met at Aoba's side, giving him that same pitying look. Aoba was 7 shades of confused. He opted to ignore the voice and its daunting words, and instead braced himself for whatever was to come.

He lifted his gaze ahead, taking in the sight before him.

He was on a semi-busy street lined with nice apartment buildings strung along. Fritz questured to Aoba, leading him to their destination.

A cream colored building sat at only a couple stories high in front of them. It wasn’t an auction house, at least it didn’t seem to be. Not a slave house either, this building was far too nice. His face must’ve given away his confusion, because Fritz spoke up as they walked.

“We’re in Berlin. It’s quite a nice area. This is your new home, I suppose.” He coughed, a puff of air blooming with each wheeze. The rain had thankfulluy let up,  but the grey clouds still hung low in the sky along with a deep chill.

Fritz stopped walking in front of the doorway and leaned down, fetching a silver key from under the mat.

“Ah. There we are.” He unlocked the heavy door and glanced inside.

Aoba just watched all of this, trying to recount everything that had happened just this morning. The packing. The conversation in his head. The long drive. The denial that was still there.

That’s when he remembered one thing.

Ren wasn’t with him.

He didn’t realize that they’d moved from the front door to the main lobby. A sharp intake of breath caught them both off guard, and Fritz jumped to Aoba’s side.

“Aoba? Are you alright?”

He wasn’t, not at all. He couldn’t ask for Ren back now, of course. He hadn’t said anything about this ordeal since he left the manor, but he had questions now…and his frantic state wouldn’t let him hold them back.

“I don’t understand….” He wimpered out. “Why?”

Fritz looked arounf the lobby and was happty to find it empty. He sighed, wondering why himself.

“I’m not positive. Mr. Noiz has always been one for rash descisions without considering the consequences.”

He himself still didn’t know where Noiz had found Aoba, but, like the others, he'd quickly found that it hadn't been through any healthy means. “

“But…Ren…” Another hysteric cry.

“I do not know about that either. Perhaps it was an accident? Certainly he’d want you to have your companion.”

This was a real headscratcher. Fritz wasn’t known as one that dealt with the emotions of others well, but something about Aoba made him want to help in any way possible.

“I still don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. But here, let’s dust off our clothes and head upstairs.”

He tentatively helped Aoba upright again. They gathered their things once again and head up the stairs to Aoba’s new…home. He didn’t know what that actually meant or entailed. He counted each step up the three flights up steps, remembering almost fondly how Janice had helped him when he was too weak. It was as if she truly cared for him. Pauline and Fritz…Harry, too. Maybe-No. This was over. It’s over. He was walking into more uncertaintity.

Noiz had no idea what Aoba would go through. He didn’t know, didn’t have the common sense for it.

Yet again, he thought he was doing the right thing.

And well, yet again was he doing the exact opposite.


	8. Package Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! sorry about the hiatus, but my life has been rly bleeeh @_@  
> happy late holidays! i hope you enjoy this, and if theres a spelling mistake or something just let me know!!

**[ Noiz’s POV ]**

“Fuck.”

The word flew from Noiz’s mouth with the sharpness and intensity of a dagger.

He looked down at his feet, only to see a saddened muzzle belonging to Ren. The small animal perked its ears and let out a small whine. It was easy to guess why. Noiz had already thoroughly chewed out his staff for forgetting to send the dog along with-no, he didn’t even want to think about it.

He gripped his strawberry blond locks and nearly growled. He wanted to cut ties immediately. Rather, he felt he had to.

_This is the right thing._

_I’m doing the right thing._

He reassured himself quietly.

It had become difficult to convince himself…especially when everyone around him disagreed with his decision. But fuck them, right? Since when were their opinions worth something?

He released his hair from the death grip when he felt a furry body rub against his leg. In any other situation, he’d probably shove the animal away. But this was Ren, and he couldn’t hurt Ren. Noiz tried his hardest not to think of Aoba’s face when he held the thing. It possessed so much love, and was the only thing that seemed to suppress Aoba’s near-constant paranoia. He was almost…jealous.

With that in mind, Noiz gave in and lifted the pup into his arms. He never bothered to touch the dog, especially since it was some sort of security blanket for Aoba. The blond was simply content to watch from afar.

It reminded him that Aoba would need Ren.

Images of Aoba struggling without Ren there…without anyone there, attacked his brain. How would he survive without help? Despite the near-realization, Noiz tried to stand firm on his decision. Stubbornness or not, he didn’t want to admit to another mistake.

With careful footing, Noiz walked to a window with Ren in hand. He shifted Ren into one hand, and regained the other to pull the curtain back. Noiz’s features twisted in distaste at the sight. It was deep into the night and a light thunderstorm lit up the nearly-summer sky. He tried to ignore the unfamiliar anxiety that bubbled in his chest.

Aoba was absolutely petrified of storms. Electric green eyes shifted from the whining fluff and back to the window.

_I’ll just call and check up on things. Yeah, that’s it. Fritz has been gone a long time too…._

He felt slightly relieved. Fritz was a lot more capable of comforting Aoba than Noiz, and he knew that. Unfortunately, feelings do tend to defy logic.

In one swift movement he had his coil out and the call to fritz’s phone in progress. He waited in anticipation, pushing away the creeping paranoia. To his immediate relief, Fritz answered.

“Yes, sir?” The old and slightly worn voice questioned diligently.

His anxiety unrelenting, Noiz hesitated to speak. With a deep breath he calmed himself enough to reply.

“How is he?” _Stupid._

“Oh dear, I’m sorry for lack of upd-“He was cut off by a particularly loud roll of thunder, which invoked a familiar yelp in the background.

Noiz’s eyes momentarily widened in surprise, not just because of Aoba. Another emotion he was still unfamiliar with nearly suffocated him. Worry.

“Put him on the line.”

“Sir, are you sure that’s such a go-“

“Do it.”

A small sigh could be heard, as well as the incessant pounding in his own ribcage. Not a moment later a small voice spoke.

“Hello?”

That trembling voice only confirmed his earlier feelings. He nearly got caught in his own thoughts if not for another whimpering cry from Aoba.

“I’m sorry.” Noiz blurted out. He internally smacked himself. “I have Ren.”

A sharp intake of breath on the other line soon became a small sob.

“Can I bring him to you?”

The answer was almost immediate.

“Please.”

That was all that he needed. In a matter of minutes, Noiz had packed Ren’s supplies and was out of the driveway in less than five minutes. He knew he was driving too fast, but he didn’t care. If he got a DUI and lost his job, so be it. Things were already so fucked up, it couldn’t get much worse.

He didn’t know what the right thing was anymore. It didn’t matter. Hurting Aoba again tore something inside of him that wouldn’t be easily mended. He wished his mother was there. She would know what to do. Noiz couldn’t help but let his mind wander there as he drove. He was still furious at his parents, but knew that his mother was a kind and wonderful woman. It was his father’s fault. All of it. Noiz imagined a world where he could feel. Where he had a door that opened, a real school to attend, his family’s love.

_If only I wasn’t a monster. Aoba would be happy. My mom and dad would be happy. I could see my brother again._

_They’d all be so prou-_

Noiz was caught off guard by droplets of liquid landing on the steering wheel.

“Oh, fuck me!” He wiped at his face viciously, shutting himself off once again. “Why the fuck should I care what those pieces of shit think…” He whispered under his breath. Aoba crossed his mind for the millionth time that day. “Not him, though.”

His thoughts wandered back to the auction. How disgusted he felt.

He imagined the sick and demented shit that this fucking person had gone through. He felt bile rise in his throat, opting to push it down and try to drop the subject. Noiz couldn’t handle even the vague thought of it all. The fact that this person, who he was sure didn’t deserve any of this shit, lived through it.

Noiz found someone who had it worse than himself. If anything, it gave him some perspective.

Only a minute or two away from the apartment, he made his last realization for the night.

 _Aoba is stronger than I will ever be._ The thought hit Noiz hard.

He knew what he had to do then.

Practically leaping out of the car upon arrival, he rushed into the lobby with a bag of supplies with Ren by his side. The elevator ride felt like an eternity before he reached Aoba’s floor. A quick search of the hallway and he’d found the correct number.

Before he knew it, his knuckles were resting against the door.

**[ Aoba’s POV – Switches to Noiz @ the end ]**

A horrible fear of storms and a life without Ren easily outweighed Aoba’s fear of Noiz. As confusing as everything was, he’d learned to simply go along with it. One day he’d feel almost attached to Noiz, whereas today, he was fucking terrified. _I was a burden._ He thought to himself while looking around the room.

When he heard the rapping on the door, something inside him twisted. Aoba was his usual cocktail of emotions. Noiz was unpredictable. The nerves must’ve made themselves known on Aoba’s face, since Fritz gave him a look of pity.  
  
“It’ll be okay.” He mouthed to Aoba, who felt anything but.

Fritz rose from his seat and quickly unlocked the door. As a result, Aoba curled himself into a tight ball. The hardwood floor sent a chill down his still visible spine as he trembled. He tried to ignore the brief chat between Fritz and Noiz, covering his ears with more force than necessary.

_Go away Go away Go away Go away Go Awa-_

The small yips belonging to his canine friend had Aoba upright almost immediately, however. Ren leapt from Noiz’s arms, padding quickly to Aoba’s side. The puppy jumped into Aoba’s shaking arms and licked his face all over. Desperate arms wrapped around the fluffy body, Aoba burying his face in the fur to mask his tears.

“I thought I lost you…” His voice cracked mid-sentence, causing violent sobs to escape his throat.

It took Aoba a good ten minutes to calm himself, although he was still visibly distressed. He took a deep breath before lifting his head. To Aoba’s misfortune you locked eyes with Noiz, who must’ve been gawking at their reunion the entire time. Aoba would usually look away if they met eyes, but something wouldn’t let him.

Noiz looked as if he’d been sobbing, his entire being disheveled. Scuffed shoes and messy hair aside, his normally cold and placid eyes now burned with emotion. Aoba knew this look.  He’d seen it somewhere, but couldn’t quite remember where.

Aoba was vaguely aware of Fritz preparing to leave, but was still caught in the smoldering gaze. I not for recent events Aoba might’ve questioned the tear streaks or the untucked shirt. But now, obviously, he was too scared to speak without permission.

As if reading Aoba’s mind, Noiz spoke up in an uncharacteristically soft tone of voice.

“Is it ok if I come over there?”

Aoba thought for a moment, figuring “no” wasn’t actually an answer. He only nodded in response.

He watched nervously as the taller man walked towards him slowly, opting to sit on the floor a couple feet away. Noiz crisscrossed his legs and looked into his lap. Aoba only watched, petting Ren lightly for comfort.

Noiz opened and closed his mouth a couple times, choosing his words very carefully.

“I made a mistake.”

He lifted his head, boring his damp eyes into Aoba’s. The bluenet only listened, intrigued yet still standoffish.

“You don’t have to forgive me. J-Just, I’m not going to hurt you anymore.” Noiz swallowed harshly. “And I know, I know you can’t help it.”

He fought the urge to try and feel Aoba’s skin, knowing it wouldn’t be good for either of them right now.

“And if I ever run into one of the pieces of shit that hurt you, I’ll knock them out.” He almost smiled before continuing. “You can finish them off.”

Aoba tried to rationalize everything, taking a minute to analyze everything that’s been said to him. The last part he still wasn’t sure how to react to. He only nodded at Noiz to continue.

“I don’t wanna fuck up anymore.” Noiz looked around the room. “And I only did this, well, because I thought you wouldn’t want to be around me.” He laughed dryly, running fingers through his unruly hair.

“Aoba.”

The mention of his name had Aoba at full attention.

“You are so strong.” Noiz’s eyes burned with admiration. He could only hope that Aoba would believe him.

**_You aren’t._**

Aoba’s eyes widened significantly.

_I’m strong?_

**_No you’re not._ **

“You can talk, you know. You’re a person, not my pet.” Noiz’s smoldering look shifted into a somber one.

“I’m not?” Aoba squeaked out for the first time tonight.

**_You are._ **

“Absolutely not.” Noiz paused for a moment, debating something. “If you want, you can be my friend though.” He flushed, feeling a bit embarrassed by his sudden 4th grade love confession.

Aoba looked like a deer in the headlight, taking at least 5 minutes to respond. Thankfully, Noiz was patient.

“You really think I’m strong?” He tried to stay calm but faltered a bit in the middle.

Noiz subconsciously reached his hand out to touch Aoba’s, but stopped himself halfway. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” He said solidly, leaving no room for doubt. He searched Aoba’s eyes for any indication of how he was feeling, to no avail. His small hands still shook at the sound of light rain tapping against the windows.

There was still so much to be said. Noiz wanted to tell him a million things and reassure him a million times. Aoba didn’t need that right now, he decided. One step at a time. Noiz placed his attention back on the bluenet, who had spaced out as well. Soon enough Aoba snapped from his reverie to look at Noiz.

He looked nervous, but with a stronger resolve present on his features.

“Um…Noiz, uh, do you think we’ll ever be um, normal?”

Noiz was honestly taken aback by Aoba’s question. He was ecstatic so hear Aoba speak to him freely again, but wasn’t sure how to respond. He tried to conjure an answer quickly to spare Aoba anymore anxiety.

“I’m not sure normal is a real thing, y’know?” He scratched the back of his head and looked away. “I mean…I want to feel things. But I don’t think I’d suddenly fit in if I could.”

Aoba felt like shit for nearly forgetting something so important. (Could you really blame him though?) Noiz couldn’t feel other’s touch, whereas Aoba had felt enough for 3 lifetimes. The irony was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“I’m sorry…” Aoba whispered, suddenly interested in his nails.

“I would say the same to you.” Noiz buried his face in his hands.

“Hey um…N-No, never mind.” The bluenet backed out immediately. “It’s nothing.”

Noiz looked over to a beet red Aoba. It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t curious.

“You can tell me anything.” Noiz said casually, attempting to make the atmosphere more comfortable.

“Well...” He squeaked out in his usually nervous voice. “C-Can I, uh,” Aoba was nearly shaking, tears threatening to blur his vision. He wanted the voice to stay away. It was ruining absolutely everything. He was missing everyone again. He want to go home. He was so scared, so tired, and all he wanted was a…

“…Hug…” Aoba whispered in a barely audible voice.

Before he knew it, Noiz was seated right next to him. “Of course.” Noiz sounded reassuring, but was freaking out internally. There was the usual ‘What if I hurt him?’ and who could forget ‘If I fuck up even a little it’s over.’ But now Aoba needed it, and there was probably a million reasons why.

He held out his hand to Aoba, letting him take control of the situation.

Aoba sat Ren down lightly, and turned his attention to the welcoming arms in front of him. He flinched a bit at first, purely from habit, but soon enough melted into the warm embrace. He could smell Noiz’s cologne which oddly made it even better. The feeling of innocent affection was something he’d been starved of. Noiz wasn’t enjoying it as much, but that was for obvious reasons. This was for Aoba, not him.

With his face buried in Noiz’s chest, the bluenet spoke up again.

“D-Do you still want to be friends?”

Noiz looked down to Aoba, who was practically in his lap at this point. He wanted to feel the texture of his clothes and the softness of his skin, but was happy that they’d made any progress at all. His brain didn’t fight with him anymore. If this was as good as it gets, Noiz was content.

“Of course.”

_And that was how I made my first friend._

 


	9. ( abandonment notice )

I absolutely hate to say it, but I'm most likely dropping this fic.   
My interests have shifted and I find myself having a hard time writing these chars together properly. I think I bit off more than I could chew with such a delicate topic so I'm afraid I'll mess up my own writing >:/ I also feel like 've gotten better and could use my new knowledge elsewhere.   
Thank you so much for the support, and know that I'll keep writing in the future!!!!


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